Dear Amy

Ciera,
That IS a difficult situation, and there are a lot of issues. I'll start with this - at 15, does your friend have her driver's license? If not, then her mother is asking her to do something illegal! That’s a big concern, because the last thing your friend needs, on top of everything else, is to find herself in trouble with the law. If that’s the case, she needs to stop driving. If she does have her license . . . you can feel free to ignore this paragraph!

The second issue is that she’s the child, but she’s mothering her siblings and her own mother. That’s a huge amount of responsibility for a 15 year old. She needs the opportunity to just be a kid. The position she’s in is actually not an uncommon one, though I do think it’s more extreme than what many kids with alcoholic parents have to deal with. She’s become the caretaker, which is the same role my husband had in his family, growing up with an alcoholic father.

The bottom line is . . . something needs to change. She cannot continue like this – it’s not healthy for her, her siblings, or her mother for her to continue. She cannot make her mother change, and she cannot single-handedly change her situation, but she can take steps to help herself and her siblings. One thing that she can do is to connect with a group such as Alateen. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/alateen.html This is a support group for teens with a family member or friend with an alcohol problem.

I’m guessing the idea of getting Child Protective Services involved would not be appealing . . . but if she finds herself or her siblings in danger at any time, I would highly encourage her to reach out to them. If there’s someone else she feels she can more comfortably reach out to – a teacher, guidance counselor, clergy, etc – then encourage her to do so.

She’s very fortunate to have you in her life, caring about her and her well being. *hugs*



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