Erotica Harem

Pat - I just enjoyed Ms. Porn Star Chapter 4. Here are some thoughts:

>> Her fingertips brushed warm skin, enjoyed the multiple textures <<
enjoying perhaps?

>> It had to be a dream, a vivid tangible dream. <<
Very minor personal opinion: I think that this contemplation of the possibility of it being a dream is going on for too long. He is, after all, on top of her. I would think that the reality of the situation would be obvious.
Maybe my opinion is just a guy thing, and women would be more receptive to this.

>> a sensual old world resonance <<
old-world

>> His eyes gleamed in candlelight, the sweat of their passion glistened on his bronze skin. <<
Comma splice. Glistening would fix it.

>> That friction lit a fire in deepest core <<
Typo (her)

>> swiveled her legs to the side of the bed. Her feet hit the floor with dull thuds. <<
Why thuds? I would think that they touched lightly.

>> I’d like to dress, please,” she stated, the haughty tone she perfected years earlier ringing in her ears. <<
HAD perfected

>> settled into a shockingly ugly bright orange chair she bought years earlier <<
HAD bought

>> “You invited me.” His husky drawl slid over her senses <<
Ah, nice touch

>> All gods do though no humans believe in them any more and most gods prefer not to walk among them. <<
Awkward sentence

>> “Can’t I?’ He arched that eyebrow again, his tone full of insolence. <<
Wrong quote mark, but great closing line!

SUMMARY: This was intriguing. Since I am a very hetero guy, the extended physical descriptions were somewhat boring to me. I'm sure your female readers will have an entirely different reaction!
I like the way you have made him mythological. I am now interested to see where you are going with this. This chapter gave me the first solid hook of the novel, although your earlier chapters were sufficiently interesting to hold my attention.

TimM