Erotica Harem

Dawn,

Thank you for your excellent and detailed review. Thanks as well for bestowing on me the grand title as King of the Adverbs! I suppose any declaration of royalty is better than none at all!

Seriously, hearing this and other tips from such a talented group of writers is why I agreed to be a part of the Harem in the first place. Every day in the real world, I write and edit stories relating to technical subjects such as: angles of descent, train velocity, linear induction motors, electromagnetic propulsion systems and other such entertaining subjects.

Writing fiction for me is totally different. I've been doing it for a while but only for myself. I have plenty of non-fiction published including two books, but am just now stretching my fiction muscles.

In the succeeding chapters you might notice that I have started to write a little leaner (in terms of adverb usage) than I did in the Prologue. Though I will always be a bit more descriptive than some writers – I like that in fiction I read for pleasure – I can see what you mean by overkill. For example, my description of the hurricane: Like Hanna, I am a big weather geek. I love storms. I suppose if a pilot or a storm chaser were to read that passage, they would get it and enjoy it. I have to be more aware that I am writing for a much broader audience with this story.

I also considered starting the story with the Prologue as Chapter 1. But it takes place so long ago, I was concerned that jumping ahead from there into Present day could be confusing. I also thought about using the info in the Prologue as a flashback that Hanna has ... or a dream/vision that Marc has. I am curious if still think after you read the next three chapters. They are nowhere as long as the Prologue!

Again, thanks for your comments. I am eager for more feedback after you and the others.

Cheers,
Scott