Erotica Harem

Review: A Man and His Dog

Chapter Four

Setting: Very vivid and unsettling with the rain and darkness making everything a red blur with the flashing coplights. YOu might mention rain drops sliding under hsi collar and sneding shivers thorugh him, shivers not necessarily connected to weather--but the description was powerful as written. Terrif ic detail.

Characters: Sam, Dr. Lucy, police chief

Sam, already dreading the impact of htis case on his life, and his new love.

Dr. Lucy--I admit, I wanted to smack her upside the head--seh finds dead bodies in ehr yard, and all she's concerned about is a bunch of rodents (squirrels are in teh rodent family, after all) Seh's not concerned with the victims, or the horrifying fact taht the obdies are buried on her property, just the damage the digging is doing. I was as frustrated with her as Sam

Polcie chief--pompous small town [olice chief with a burr up his ass about the Feds helping out even though he's not equipped to handle.

this bunch of new characters has the makings of soem great fireworks later. I can see SAm going nose to nose with the chief on this case, especiall since he has been all but ordered to quit school, quit any social life, including Allen, and to eat, sleep and breathe this case.

Plot: Sam goes to the crimescene and questions the only witness so far, DR. Lucy. The chielf gives him a hard time and refuses to call in any assistance. Sam dreads the ijmpact of this case on his life. Expecting a murder case, he finds a serial killers victims.

Grammaticals: Only thing I'd chagne a little

Sam, on the other hand, knew murder, from his time as a cop in SAn Francisco. This case would take over his life. "(Id shorten this and smooth it out a little, not to mention the unneeded comma and make it less passive.)
---His experience investigating murder with the San Francisco Police drew a heavy sigh. This case would take over his life.

Comment: From murder to serial killer, you really upped the tension here. I love it. Sam not only has to deal with the case, it's possible impact on his new relationship with Allen, but with a hostile, uncaring witness and the belligerent chief obstinately refusing state of the art help. This leaves plenty of room for extra fireworks and I can't wait to read more. *sigh* Zoe's calling to me, among others , so I'll catch chapter tomorrow. Great job setting the stage for this investigation. Sam's going be up to his ears in trouble from all sides.

Pat




http://www.freewebs.com/patricbrueni

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