Erotica Harem

thanks for your review, one thing I want to make clear thought;

Some of what you said like this:

5. know she’s 10 years old I always spell out the number, unless it is too long.
6. She was covered in blood! Show us, don’t tell us what she sees. Something like, Red, sticky liquid smeared her cheeks and hands.

This was a conversation that Charlene heard, but she didnt see anything...so I cant show the conversation....I doubled check but it should be clear to the reader that this part is a phone conversation...

Also this:

I would find a way to use less "saids" and "asked"

those are mostly anonymous to the readers...other descriptions are distracting the reader...this is concidered standard writing ^.^ and what I chose to use in ALL my writing...

other than that, your review was great! thanks alot!
peace
ana

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