Erotica Harem

Setting: I think you did a fine job with descriptions here. I had no problem visualizing everything.

Characters: Fred seems likes a romantic and someone who wears his heart on his sleeve.

Dave is a little more complicated. I can’t decide if his aloofness is because he’s losing his interest in Fred or if he’s just emotionally remote. When Fred falls, Dave seems like he’s really concerned by him. And when they have sex, Dave seems turned on by him. If he calls Fred a sissy without joking about it, I find that really mean. I think you do a good job of showing that something isn’t right between them.

Referencing: I’m curious about what went wrong with their relationship. I would assume that more of that will be revealed as the story continues. It could be that they just grew apart.

Plot: Dave and Fred go on a vacation to repair their relationship. The first part indicates that there maybe some creature waiting for them.

Grammar:There’s some minor stuff in the line by line.

Just my Opinion: I like how the conflict developed between contrasting Fred and Dave. I think their personalities come off clearly and help pull the reader along. The promise of a supernatural encounter is always intriguing to me.

Sephina

Line by line:

The naked man writhed in his bonds. Always with the bondage… Good opening line though. His captor, clad in tight, black leather, keened with a brutish yearning. The captor's eyes shimmered with a ruddy gleam that reflected the flames dancing about the pair and his long, ebony hair flared in the hot, night breeze. The naked man's lithe body, flushed with a fine sheen of sweat, reeled against the tree and strained against the chains binding him. At the mention of the tree, I imagined the bark digging into him. The description is good so far, but that might be a good detail too. Of course, it may have smooth bark.

The captor knelt before the naked man, lifted his gloved left hands and caressed the hard flesh straining before him. His fingers probed the depths of his leathers and he produced a leather strap; he twined the cord about the fingers of his right hand with the reverence a nun shows her rosary.Nice metaphor With an aura of chilling grace, he bound the naked man's genitals with the leather, and then embraced them with his mouth. The naked man's head lurched in his need to scream, but the gag choking his mouth smothered the sound.

The naked man's body shuddered with sexual need. The captor's lips wrapped about the naked man's aroused flesh in a malignant caress; his incisors raked the skin and his fingers gouged into the naked man's buttocks. Without warning, the captor pitched his head back and howled at the moon. Strands of his wet, ebony hair gusted across his face. His captive's eyes bulged in terror as he saw blood streaming down the captor's chin and the ivory gleam of fangs protruding from his mouth. The captor cast forth another inhuman yowl and then his mouth descended again. Wow.

The end for the naked man was swift, but not merciful. I can’t decide if I like this last line or not. It’s chilling, but I think it would also be a powerful ending if it were cut.


Day One


The vacation had seemed like a good idea.

Fred placed his hand on Dave's knee. "Are you sure it's OK to go the mountains, hon?" Dave had wanted to go to the beach, but Fred had convinced him that a week of camping in the mountains was just what they needed. They could be alone, naked whenever they wished, and again find joy in one another.

Dave's lips turned down. "Yes! For the thousandth time yes, yes, YES!!!!" Dave's hands gripped the steering wheel of their rented jeep and his gaze turned to ice. Maybe Fred had asked this question a little too often, but he just wanted to make sure Dave was happy. All Fred wanted was for the two of them to be happy together, or at least happy at the same time. Happy is repeated a lot here. I can’t decide if it works though or not. Sorry, I’m not being very decisive today. That seemed to happen with less and less frequency.

Fred scrunched down in his seat and looked out the passenger window. Dave's hand gently caressed his shoulder. "I'm sorry, love. I guess I am on edge. This vacation is a great idea."

Silence.

"Hey," Dave whispered. "I love you."

Fred reached up and pressed his hand against Dave's. "I love youcomma? too."

It was mid-afternoon. Fred and Dave had selected a remote mountain preserve in western Oregon where they would be unlikely encounter other tourists. The idea was to park the jeep, get out the camping gear and head off into the wilderness. They would hike toward the summit of Steel Cliff. Whether they reached the pinnacle or not was irrelevant - the pinnacle they sought to surmount was between them, not the rocky tumble that towered over them.Good line They would hike and talk and make love and mend the tatters of their relationship. A week of soul searching would, they prayed, turn into a week of soul merging. The love they still shared was not quite yet the rocky emptiness in which they found themselves, but they knew they were adrift. And having been once found, neither wished to be again lost. neither wished to be lost again. That sounds better to me.

Dave parked the jeep in a small and seedy campground that appeared to have been last used by a band of hippies in the sixties. They silently got out their backpacks and prepared for their hike. The bright sun smiled upon them in the face of the mountain's stony silence. Fred leered at Dave's hard brown legs, the black hairs clearly visible against the tan. He felt so lucky to have such a beautiful lover.

Dave surveyed the mountain before them, as though assessing how to attack this new challenge. "I think the trail is there."

Dave had ordered US Geological Survey maps of Steel Cliff when they planned their vacation. Meticulous as always, he had found an ancient trail marked on the map that went all the way to summit, with a couple of old logging camps along the way. "If we'space?work at it," he'd told Fred, "I figure we can make it to the summit in three days, rest a day, then take another three days coming back down." Fred remembered thinking that sounded more like? another challenge conquered rather than a vacation.

Fred eyed the bramble-choked trail where Dave's finger pointed and his eyes widened. "Gee, I don't know. That looks pretty rough going. Don't you think maybe we could just camp here?"

"You were the one who wanted mountains." Without looking back Dave strode into the wilderness, pushing and climbing away from Fred.

Fred hesitated only a second. Not an athlete like Dave, his curly blond hair and slight body had marked him as queer from early in life. He worked out with Dave, but while the muscles bulged on Dave's hairy torso, Fred's smooth body just got more lissome. They would run together, wearing only sneakers and running shorts and Dave got brawny and tan while Fred got scrawny and sunburned. Fred sighed. Dave was already fifty feet ahead of him. How could they talk things out if all Dave could think of was conquering the mountain? "Wait for me!" Fred tried hard not to whine.

Dave stopped and turned. Brushing his hair back, he placed his hand over his brow and smiled at Fred. Or squinted into the sun. Fred decided to call it a smile. "I'm coming dear!"

The two men hiked together for nearly two hours. They held hands in the clear places, helped one another over rough places, argued over the map and settled on a path. Birds chirped in the canopy overhead and the scent of pine and crumbling undergrowth mingled in their nostrils. Sweat from the bright sun and the exertion of climbing drizzled down Fred's back and soaked his shirt. Still, the late fall mountain air was brisk and his damp shirt clung to his body and chilled him. He was relieved when Dave slowed and spoke.

"It's getting dark," Dave said, trudging resolutely up a steep slope. "I thought we'd be at the first logging camp by now. The map says there's a cabin there."

Fred panted and looked at the sky. "Wait up a second, will you?" Besides getting dark, scary, black clouds piled up in the west and the winds gusted against his face. "How far do you think we have to go?" He could never admit to Dave that the idea of hiking in the darkness frightened him. Dave would call him a sissy and then they'd have a big fight.

"Well, we should be there by now. Let's go over this ridge and see what's on the other side. If the camp isn't there, I'd say we should just roll out our sleeping bags and sleep under the stars." Dave smiled for the first time since the hike had started. He gazed at at his companion, who imagined making love under the stars.

Fred smiled back and hurried to catch up. As he did, his foot slipped on a mossy patch and wrenched to the right. His arms flailed for balance, his heavy backpack throwing him off balance. "Shit!" he shouted as his legs went out from under him and he lurched to the ground.

"Fred! Sweetheart! Are you all right?" Dave was at his side in a heartbeat, holding his hand and staring into his eyes.

Fred considered feigning an injury, but then decided that would be cruel. Besides, he felt like such a total fool. "Yes, I'm fine. Just fine. A total klutz, but fine."

"Are you sure? How's your leg? You didn't hurt your head when you fell did you?"

The genuine concern in Dave's voice touched Fred. He reached a finger up to Dave's cheek. "I love you."

Dave brushed Fred's curly hair. "My Goldilocks. What would I do without you?" He leaned down and his lips caressed his lover's. Fred's mouth parted as his body both wilted and stiffened. His arms went around Dave. Or tried to, and bumped into the backpack. "Damn."

Both men laughed, and Dave helped Fred to his feet. They brushed debris from Fred's clothes and gear while Fred shook his limbs, like a car buyer kicking the tires. "Shall we go on?" Dave asked. "The camp should be up here just a ways."

"OK, love." Fred was feeling much better about this vacation. They hadn't connected like this in months. Hand in hand, the two men climbed the humble summit in front of them and, sure enough, there was the old logging cabin nestled in a small hollow just on the other side.

Fred whooped and started running down the hill. His ankle throbbed, but he took care not limp; for sure he wouldn't complain about it. Dave would either smother him with worry, or use the sissy word again. Or maybe he'd just ignore it and they could make love, but why take chances? At the entry to the cabin Fred whooped again and started to strip. Backpack, shirt, shorts, under wear all hit the ground. Standing there in just his boots and a hard on he turned about to face Dave.

Dave had dumped his backpack but then stopped to enjoy Fred's impromptu strip tease. He sauntered up to Fred, staring him up and down, and embraced him. The chill mountain breeze assaulted Fred's bare backside, while Dave's coarse hiking clothes ground against his aroused genitals, and Dave's hard muscular arms clasped him. Fred opened his mouth for Dave's probing tongue. This was the vacation he had planned!

Fred fell to his knees, ignoring the loose gravel at the entry to the cabin and nuzzled the hardness inside Dave's shorts. "Mmm, that's nice." Dave's hips rotated and Fred loosened his belt and undid his shorts. When Dave's cock sprang free he inhaled the musky, masculine scent of his lover. He licked his lips and kissed the tip of Dave's manhood. "You taste good."

Dave slipped his backpack off and it thudded to the ground. "Much as I'd like to continue, that can't be comfortable for you. Doesn't that gravel hurt your knees?"

"I'm in bliss. I don't even notice."

"RIght. Look, let's roll out our sleeping bags so we can both enjoy this." Dave hitched at his shorts and stooped to open his backpack.

"Yes, boss. But let's do it outdoors." Fred sat on his haunches and began to unlace his boots.

"You want to put on a show for the birds and the bees?" Dave pulled his shirt, his muscles rippling in the fading afternoon sun. "It's a little chilly out. You sure you don't want to build a fire first?"

"Man, you're all the fire I need. I'm fuckin' hot!" He tossed one boot into the cabin and started on the other.

Dave slipped out of his shorts before reaching into his backpack and unrolling his sleeping bag. He flapped it in the wind and smoothed it on the grass in front of the cabin. "Come to me, baby." He knelt on the bedding and stroked himself. He still wore his boots. I think combining the last two sentences would sound better. ‘…and stroked himself, still wearing his boots.’ Or something like that.

Fred's other boot joined the first in the cabin and he crawled to the bedroolbedroll, flopped on his back and spread his legs. "I'm so ready. Take me. Fuck me hard!"

Dave positioned himself between Fred's open legs and grinned. He spat into one hand and reached between Dave's legs, massaging, lubricating his opening with his saliva. "You look so sexy, laying there like that. I could look at you all day like that." Hm… I think the point would get across losing the last ‘like that’.

Fred groaned and his hips gyrated as Dave's fingers entered him. "Oh fuck, man, that's great. I need you inside of me." His arms stretched out and up, behind his head. "God, man, I can't hold it much longer. You gonna fuck me, or just drive me to distraction?"

"You drive me crazy. Fair is fair." Dave's hand withdrew and he spat onto it again, this time applying the natural lube to his hard cock. "Maybe I should just jack off and leave you unsatisfied. How's that?"

"Man, I could cum just watching you." He let his hands roam over his chest and tease his crotch hair before his stretched them out, as though he were on a cross.

Dave's fingers traced a fine line down his chest to his sparse growth between his legs. "I see you trimmed yourself this morning. I like that. Makes you look bigger, more inviting." He tugged at the short hairs above Fred's cock, then leaned forward and rested on him. He lofted Fred's legs onto his shoulders, gripped his wrists and probed between his legs. Fred gasped when the tip of Dave's cock found its target, teasing first, slipping and sliding. Finally Dave thrust forward, slow and easy, slipping inside an inch at a time. Fred let his muscles relax and welcomed his lover's entry. Their chests heaved and their hearts beat in unison, as though they were one. When Dave reached his deepest penetration, he stopped, then withdrew. He entered again, with greater speed, then withdrewing I think it would be better to lose the then if possible. once more. Soon their bodies pumped together in mutual paroxysms of pleasure, ever faster, ever more eager for release.

At last Dave gasped and his body convulsed. His hips thrust forward and his grip ground Fred's wrists into the hard earth. Fred's body pulsed too, and he felt wetness jet from his organ and splash against his face. His breath escaped and the tension exploded from his body. In moments, Dave released his wrists and withdrew, kissing him before rolling to one side and holding his hand.

"Wow, that was great." Fred wiped at the sticky white mass running down his side from his chest. "Want to do it again?"

Dave heaved a sigh. "That was good, wasn't it?" He sat up and shivered. "Shit, it's getting cold. I'll start a fire if you'll unpack our grub."

Fred sighed. Dave was always all business, even after their most intimate moments. "Okay." He sat up and the wind fluttered through his hair. "It is getting chilly."

The two men fell asleep naked together in the ramshackle logging cabin. There was no door, the single window was barricaded shut and the floor was packed dirt. But it was inside and protected from the chilly mountain wind. They slept in one another's arms. Dave, dark, hairy and muscular, his lanky hair usually parted carefully in the middle was now tousled with a stray leaf and a twig or two snagged in it. Fred, smooth and spare, his tight curls that were always in disarray were now even more kinky and jumbled. The trip had rekindled sparks of hope, passion and charity between them. Fred vowed silently to work on those sparks, to nurture them into a shining glow. He recalled the blazing ardor with which their relationship had started and feared the cold abyss into which it had been falling.

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