WDC Frontliners Novel Review forum

Plot - finding the family and Enala

Setting - the family home

Characters - Dixim, Alastair, Gabriel, Enala

Overall - Well done. I felt like I was part of the action, in the middle of it. The emotions you drew out were right on. Both battles were well done. I did expect Gabriel to walk in on Dixim and Alastair. I know you changed the POV, but it felt just a tinge awkward with Gabriel showing up and nobody but the dead there. I would have imagined Alastair's magic would have found Enala. The fact it didn't is surprising. I am glad however, that Gabriel didn't kill the girl. You give her a sense of importance to the story with Alastair looking for her family and then her specifically when he finds them dead and then disposes of the false guard.

Grammar and errors - Overall the grammar sounded good. You kept the characters consistent. As for spelling errors - I found a couple. See below.

“Yeah! Where is she!” another of the man shouted, brandishing his weapon. - man should be men

She lunged forward, sinking his teeth into his shoulder. - first his should be her

Well done.


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