Erotica Harem

Title:

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Author: Charlene A. Wilson

Plot:

Vincent meets his beloved Elaina in Shilo Park. He tells her that his family is from a different dimension from the same planet they share. Even though it’s a bit overwhelming, she accepts his explanation and says that she will keep his secrets. He gives her the Promise Band, which she is excited to receive.

He proposes to her on the spot and she accepts.

Meanwhile, James is looking for a deceased wife.

I found the conversation between Vincent and Elaina to be a little confusing, since he hemmed and hawed about telling her about his family. I understand his reluctance to be forthcoming but it got a bit tedious. Take a look at it and see if there may be a way to pare it down. See what the other reviewers say about it first, though.

Referencing:

Terra, a planet that shares the same space but in a different dimension as Earth.

Style & Voice:

The chapter is told in third person from Vincent’s point of view, except for the small section where it focuses on James. No problems or concerns.

Scene/Setting:

Great description of Shilo Park. It was vivid with enough details to let me get a sense of the surroundings.

Characters:

We finally see Vincent when he’s not angry at Cole for some reason or another. Here he is with his beloved Elaina and is very happy. It’s good to see this side of him.

Elaina is a new character. She is in love with Vincent and although overwhelmed by his confession, still loves him. She seemed to accept his confession too readily, so she may be setting herself up for a fall.

Just My Personal Opinion:

Look at my comments under the Plot section. Additional comments are below in my line-by-line.

Grammar:

Very good!


Vincent stepped from behind the large oak and raked a hand through his hair. Isles of multi-colored blooms lined the walkway of Shilo Park, welcoming the weekend visitors with the potpourri of spring’s offerings. Couples strolled along the red brick path hand-in-hand. A small family spread out a large blanket on the fresh grass beside the stream. Birds sang and danced along the branches overhead while Center Creek gabbled on its way through the green. [Good!]


“There’s more to them than that, I know it.” She tilted her head to accentuate her obvious pushing of the subject. “Three wizards living in the cities city’s most historical manor?”


He shifted his stand stance. It was time to tell her more than the simple fact he was a wizard. Especially if he wanted their relationship to move forward – and that was exactly what he intended.


“My bloodline is foreign, Elaina. We’re not from here.” The words dropped from his lips like led lead, and he expected her to at least pause a moment to consider the comment. But her response came remarkably instant.


[I know that Vincent is emphasizing the point but it is still a little redundant. See what the other reviewers say, but I’m suggesting removing it. ]


Elaina’s eyes became worrisome. “Vincent, what is it? You’re not making sense.[He’s not making much sense to me either. LOL] To tell the truth, you’re scaring me.”


He turned the instrument absently in his hands. Did I truly lose out on eight hundred years of having you? If so, Sarah, forgive me. Those that followed never took you from my heart. [If these are still James’ thoughts, include them in the italics.] He pinched his lips together and passed a hand over the instrument. The mirrors clicked into place and his heart raced as he softly spoke the command. “Essence Trace. Sarah Timberlake Shilo.”

An image of a woman with dark gray eyes, hair the color of sunshine, and porcelain painted skin appeared above the tulip shaped Utopian. Before his senses could calm, a race of representations flashed before his eyes. Lists of names pulsed across his mind. Her lives. The entire calendar of her progressive spirit filled him, from the year 1224 to the present.

He eagerly watched for the final projection. By the time 2024 appeared, he’d clinched his hands into fists and was lightheaded from holding his breath. The images stopped and the information stilled in his mind. It repeated the last name. Tiffany Tillman Steward 1940 –.

James relieved his lungs with a puff. She was an adult. Married, but an adult, and he couldn’t control his excitement. He could contact her. Establish a small form of acquaintance. He could find her again – after her life with this man. He could continue their progression, their unity and their love.

[Is James looking for a deceased wife like Cole is? He seemed to find her quite easily, if so.]


He shot to a stand standing position (or rose to his feet) and placed the ring on her finger.


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