Erotica Harem

David’s caveat: I promise to always be polite and respectful. This is one person’s opinion. Dealing w/ me is akin to shopping at the store: take what you want and leave the rest. Keep writing and have fun!

Title: FLATLAND

Chapter: 4 - Revised May 2010

Author: Max

Plot: A friendship is growing between Danny & Skip. (I have a crush on both of them). It moves slow with lots of innuendo and an agreement to have dinner at Skip’s in a few nights. At the end, asshole Oren arrives home, drunk and uses his finger to shoot the barking dog and then at Danny’s place, apparently not knowing Danny is outside.

Style & Voice: WONDERFULLY in 3rd person via the sexy Danny.

Referencing: EXCELLENT

Scene/Setting: FANTASIC

Characterization: EXTRAORDINARY.

Grammar: SUBPERB. I wonder, perchance, did I find a comma splice? See text.


Just My Personal Opinion: 2,070 Words. (Note: I count words as an idiosyncrasy.) Bill, I’m running out of superlatives to describe your word. I liked all prior drafts but also love this one.



Chapter 4

Danny waded through his grandfather's flower garden, careful to not crush any of the phlox. He timed his dash through the flower bed to miss the spray from the sprinkler, but it whizzed a few droplets on his shirtless torso anyway. The damp, sandy loam, still hot from the late afternoon sun, oozed between his toes. The bottoms of his blue jeans flapped against his ankles, cold and wet from dragging through the moist underbrush. He groped for the faucet hidden behind the foliage, twisted if off, and the soft susurrations from the sprinkler fizzled into silence.

The sweet perfume of the pink blossoms mixed with the earthy scent of the moist soil, as though a tiny jungle grew here in this mobile home park in the middle of the arid Kansas plains. He squinted at the dying orange sliver of the setting sun and made his way to the back stoop of his trailer, careful to avoid the rocks and nettles scattered in the discouraged grass.

He hitched his suspenders over his bare shoulders and eyed the back door. Instead of going inside to his dreary online job, he slouched on the step, hugged his knees, and stared into the distance. The orange glow of the setting sun faded to purple as dusk gave slow birth to night. The waning daylight awakened crickets, while birds fluttered overhead toward their evening roosts. Lightning bugs flitted over the wheat field behind his trailer in random bursts of phosphorescence. Oh my God. Max. What a great descriptive opening. FANTASTIC. How many hours did it take to get to this point. I’m impressed beyond the norm w/ your writing.

He looked up as footsteps crunched across the gravelly yard toward him and recognized his neighbor, Skip. He wore only brief, blue running shorts and arrived carrying two cans of beer. In the glow of the setting sun, his body made Danny think of a Greek statue come alive, muscle and sinew rippling in light and shadow. Skip grinned and waggled the cans. "Hey, I saw you out and thought maybe you'd like to have a beer with me. Pay you back for the other night."

Danny's heart leapt, but he tried to remain cool. He smiled and accepted the offered can. "Thanks." He popped it open and took a sip, but continued to huddle into himself, wishing he'd stopped to put a shirt on. Skip's sleek muscular form and short, blond hair made Danny feel like a mole-person. A hairy, skinny, geeky mole person.

"Mind if I sit for a spell?" Without waiting, Skip plopped on the steps next to him. He opened his beer and foam spilled onto his hands. "Shit." He lapped at it, and then sucked the foaming brew from the can. "Don't want any to go to waste." His bare shoulder brushed against Danny's as he settled onto the stoop.

Danny scrunched over to make room. "It was another hot one today. Beer really hits the spot. Thanks." He suppressed a cringe at his words. Fuck me. Could I be more goofy? Wonderful.

Skip didn't seem to notice. "Yeah. I heard on the news we broke a hundred this afternoon. That can't be good for your flowers."

"They're my grandpa's. I'm afraid I don't take very good care of them."

"They look great to me. Smell nice, too. You must use a special fertilizer, or something."

Danny shrugged, but he couldn't think of anything to say.

Skip prattled on, gazing at the blooms. "However you do it, it's nice to have some green around. This place is still new to me. The endless, dried-up sea of brown kind of gets me down."

"You'll get used to it. How long have you been here, again?"

"I moved in two weeks ago. I'm house-sitting for a buddy of mine while I'm between jobs. So here I am, in the middle of nowhere." He blinked. "Sorry. Maybe you like it here."

Danny snorted. "This place is the ass-end of no place, I have to agree." Comma splice??

Skip took another swig and glanced at the dog sleeping two yards away. "I see our neighbor's pooch has settled down."

A smile bent Danny's lips. "I fed him earlier. The poor thing. He even let me pet him. "

"Really? He still won't let me near him."

"Well, you kind of have to lead up to it." Danny slurped on his beer. "Have you seen Oren's dog?"

"Oren? You mean the thug next door?"

"That's him. Believe it or not, he's got a cute little dog. A Bichon Frisé named Zsa Zsa."

"You're kidding? That's like this little froo-froo dog, right? I figured him for a pit bull, if anything."

Danny chuckled. "I know. It seems so out of character. But he dotes on her. He's even put a rhinestone collar on her." ’on her’ repeats.

"Well, turn me over and call me done. I would have never believed it."

"I was hoping Zsa Zsa might come over and play tonight. He's been letting her out, and she's real friendly." He sighed. "I get lonely sometimes." Danny stopped himself, hating the quaver in his voice. "Sorry, I must sound like an idiot." Goooooooood exchange.

Skip laughed. "Hey, I'm the idiot. I feel like Zsa Zsa. I was hoping you'd be out and we could play." He stared at the horizon.

Danny resisted the temptation to touch his knee. Need a space. "Well, I'm glad you came over. You're way more interesting than Zsa Zsa. A better conversationalist, too."

Skip dimpled. "And I'm housebroken." I love it, I love it, I love it. He swirled his beer can between his hands and sighed. "I used to have a dog, but, well, we broke up and I lost the custody battle. I miss her."

"I'm sorry."

Skip shrugged. "Life happens. You're not really alone, though, right? I had the impression you lived with your grandfather?"

"Well, it's his trailer, but he's only here for a couple of days a month. His health hasn't been so good, so he's been staying close to his specialist in Verdigris Heights, up near Kansas City."

"So I guess we're both kind of alone," Skip mused. He turned and a wan smile played across his lean features. "Except you've got Zsa Zsa to play with."

They sat in silence for a while. Danny watched the fireflies dance to the song of the crickets and let the tension unwind within his core. He dared to stretch his legs out and inhale the musky scent that wafted from his neighbor.

Skip stirred and his leg brushed against Danny's. "It seems to be cooling off some. I slept all day, to beat the heat. I don't know about you, but I prefer the night, even though there's not much to do here." He leaned back and arched his back.

Danny moved his leg away before he nodded. "Me, too. That's why I work nights." He glanced at the rangy body arrayed next to him and then forced himself to look away. Shit, he's not wearing anything under those shorts. "Makes me miss Chicago, although there's not much else I miss about that place."

Skip sat up and raised his eyebrows. "That's right. You lived in Chicago, too. I loved it when I was there five years ago. What did you do in the city? Why'd you leave?"

"I left because...I guess because I needed to come home and connect with my roots. I'd just gone through a breakup, like you, and, well, there were some other problems. So I came here." Danny glanced up see the effect of his words.

Skip nodded. "I needed to get away, too, to find myself. The city can be overpowering sometimes."

"Exactly. As to work, well, it was pretty much the same there as it is here: medical transcription. Except that I worked for a clinic in Oak Park along with my online job."

"I worked in a garage as a mechanic in Ravenswood before I joined the army. Where did you live? My place was on the north side, on Addison near Wrigley Field."

Danny's heart sank and he slumped back into himself. The army. He's straight after all. Figures. I should have known a good-looking jock like him couldn't really be interested in me. Good thing I didn't hit on him. "I didn't know you were a veteran. Have you met Leo, the security guard here? He served in Kuwait."

"That's way before my time. I was in Iraq, though."

"That must have been tough."

"I lived through it. I'd go back, too, if they called me up." Skip took another sip of his beer. "Hey, if you need to get to work, don't let me stop you."

Danny squirmed and tried to adjust his trousers. "I really should get back to it." He hesitated, and dared to add, "My shift's kind of screwed up. I get paid triple time on the weekends, so I take weeknights off. For example, I work the next two nights, but have the one after off."

"In this economy triple time is hard to turn down." Skip reached inside his shorts and scratched, exposing a delicious trail of tawny hair that disappeared under his waistband. He stood and finished his beer. "Tell you what. Why don't you come on over for dinner your next night off? I'll whomp up some stir fry and we can watch a movie or something? How about it?"

Danny's heart leapt. God, is he asking me on a date? Can't be. He's straight. "I'd like that." He blinked, surprised at his own answer.

Skip's face split in a merry grin and he answered, "Great. I'll see you at about, what? Shall we say seven?"

Danny's breath caught in his throat, but he managed to croak out, "Sounds good."

"You allergic to seafood or anything?" Very realistic conversation and since I love to cook, I always ask people about food allergies. My only concern is that Danny is ASSUMING Skip is straight cuz of the military service. Since this is the modern day and with all the issues of Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell. I think he be curious about Skip’s sexuality.

"Not that I know of."

"Perfect. I'll see you then. It'll be fun." He paused for a moment and gazed into Danny's eyes. He seemed to start to reach out, but then he turned away. "I'll see you Monday." He strode to his trailer and was gone.

Danny closed his eyes and let the memory of Skip's happy face and muscular torso warm his soul. He leaned back into the shadows and sighed, but then a shiver prickled his skin. Unbidden memories of his horrible last night with Justin, over a year ago, flooded through his mind. Still, this wasn't a date. It was just dinner. It would be nice to have a friend.

Next door, a pickup ground to a halt in a cloud of dust and Butch broke into a cacophony of barks. Danny retreated further into the darkness; the last thing he wanted right now was to talk to his crazy new neighbor.

Danny watched from the shadows while Oren stumbled out of his truck. His drunken slur fought with Is ‘the’ missing? dog's roar. "Shut up, you fuckin' mutt. Just you wait. I'm gonna blow your head off. You'll see." He pointed at Butch with his finger, squinted as if taking aim, and murmured, "Kapow!" He swiveled toward Danny's trailer and seemed to lose his balance before catching himself. Then he pointed again, this time in Danny's direction and whispered, "Kapow! I hate fuckin' faggots, too." His head weaved and he blinked before he staggered into his trailer and slammed the door.

Danny shuddered, glad that Oren hadn't seen him. At least the idiot didn't have a real gun. He hoped, anyway.