Erotica Harem

Title:

Flatland, Chapter 25  (18+) Skip chases after Danny #1682919 by Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈

Author: Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈

Plot:

Skip runs out of Justin’s office against the doctor pleading to stay inside where it’s safe. Skip goes to the front desk and learns that an FBI agent has taken Danny and an old woman. Skip runs outside where Leo and Tina are waiting nearby.

They tell each other what happened but Tina says she still has Danny’s transponder signal. They go in search of Danny and find the van abandoned at a strip mall, but Danny is nowhere in sight. All of his clothes are there including his sneakers with the transponder.

Skip tries to stay calm and comes up with a plan.

No gaps or holes in the plot.

Style & Voice:

Told in third person from Skip’s point of view.

Scene/Setting:

Great build up of suspense and action! Wow! I think I read this in a matter of seconds!

Characters:

No new characters.

Just my Personal Opinion:

Okay, now I’m getting really worried about Danny. I do like the way Skip is desperate to get him back but knows enough to stay calm to formulate a plan. Were you a tactical expert in a previous life?

Alex

Grammar:

Very good!




Skip raced out the front door and stopped at their car. He peered thorugh through the drizzle, but there was no sign of Danny.


"All right." There was something important in what they'd said. If he could just concentrate. "A scar! Fuck. He followedus [Space between words.] here.


He clambered out of the car, holding his weapon stiff at his side to cloak it from the eyes of passers-by. The scent of ginger and garlic from the restaurant mixed with ammonia from the hair salon and the musky odor from the storm. [It’s stopped drizzling?] He strolled down the cracked sidewalk, as if out for an afternoon constitutional. All his senses quivered at full alert for hidden snipers, IED's, or whatever other danger might lurk hidden in the shadows.

The storm's intensity had increased, and rain drummed on the metal awning that covered the sidewalk. [okay.]



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