Erotica Harem

David’s caveat: I promise to always be polite and respectful while giving honest reviews. Dealing w/ me is akin to shopping at the store: take what you want and leave the rest.
Please don’t ‘read between the lines’ with my comments. I say what I think free of insinuations.

Keep writing and always have fun!


Title: Descent

Chapter: 5

Author: Alex Morgan

Plot: Todd sleeps in a cage, unk. size, on a crate. In the morning he’s taken to the Master and they talk.

Style & Voice: 1st person via Todd.

Referencing: Good.

Scene/Setting: Garage and then dining room at the Master’s place. Could use more description.

Characterization: Good.

Grammar: Good w/ a few comments.

Just My Personal Opinion: 1,537 words. (NOTE: I count words as an idiosyncrasy.)



Riding in the trunk I lost sense of time. I tried to keep track of turns but got confused almost immediately. My limbs began to ache after a while. To my surprise, I heard eight thirty-five snoring softly beside me.

How could anyone be so relaxed in this position that they could fall asleep?

I tried to get comfortable but I was tied so tightly and my arms and legs ached so much, it wasn’t possible. So I waited.

After a long while, I felt the car slow down and turn onto a rough road. My limbs were numb by now and I prayed that our journey was near an end. To my immense relief, we came to a stop several minutes later.

I heard Master get out of the car and start calling orders. The lid opened up and the sudden dim light blinded me. Hands grabbed me and hauled me out of the trunk. I was laid on the ground and untied. For a few seconds, I couldn’t move because my arms and legs were so stiff form being tied up. I groaned in pain as the blood returned to my extremities and I managed to rise to my feet.

Is something missing at the beginning here, and in the sentence? eight thirty-five next to two more slaves, both shaved from head to toe and not a stitch of clothing, except for the chain collars and padlocks around their necks. I glanced around and saw we were in a large triple car garage. Where you would expect to see cars or storage shelves sat a work space with power tools, welding equipment, stacks of lumber and bundles of iron and steel bars. I caught a glimpse of cages, benches and St. Andrew’s crosses in various stages of construction.

“boi todd!”

At the sound of Master’s voice, my head snapped around. “Yes, Sir!”

“eight thirty-five will show you where you still Should that be ‘will’ stay tonight.” He turned and left the garage through a door into the house. The two slaves followed him. eight thirty-five led picked a flashlight from a shelf and led me through the same door and down a staircase into a basement room. he locked me into a large cage with a pallet for a bed and a blanket. Are you intentionally using lower case at the begin of sentence for 835, and later, ‘he’? “Led” repeats. In the last sentence it almost sounded like the pallet was both his bed and blanket.

“Someone will come and get you in the morning.” He left me alone, turning out the flashlight.

I didn’t sleep well that night because the cage wasn’t big enough for me to stretch out. In the paragraph above you wrote it was a ‘large cage’. It was also pitch black in the room. If there were windows in there, they were covered completely to not let any light from outside. In the last 2 sentence, ‘was’ used once; ‘were’ used twice. How about just ‘block outside light’. I dozed off and on for a while, and finally fell into a deep sleep only to be woken up a short time later to the sound of running feet overhead. Should this sentence be in the beginning since you already told us overall how the night went.

Now I could see daylight filtering in through a window high up on a wall, but covered with a heavy curtain. I looked around the room and saw three other naked forms in cages similar to mine. One guy was starting to come around but the other two slept on through the ruckus. Not knowing what to do, I lay still and listened to the noises coming from above to see if I could determine what was going on.

The footsteps didn’t sound hurried or rushed, rather more like people determined to get things done efficiently and quickly. The door to our room opened and eight thirty-five came down the stairs. Without a word, he opened all the cages and roused the two sleeping forms. he showed us to a toilet where we could relieve ourselves.

“You three report to the kitchen,” he said to the others. he turned to me. “You are to stay here until Master calls for you.” I thought I detected a tone of condescension in his voice but tried to dismiss it from my mind as just me being self-conscious about my nakedness.

I was a little disappointed that I had to remain behind, and even more upset when eight thirty-five locked me back in my cage. Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait long before another slave came to release me. I recognized him from the Master’s blog. he was thinner than the others and wasn’t as handsome either. ‘Was’ and ‘wasn’t’ in one sentence. Also, since this is Monday morning, right? What about Todd’s work?

“i’m four eleven. i’m here to take you to Master Mike.” He said with a slight smile, which was a relief from what I felt with eight thirty-five. I followed him into a large dining room. Master Mike sat at on end. From the looks of the plate and silverware in front of Him He had just finished breakfast. He motioned for me to sit in a chair next to Him.

“Why do you want to become a slave, boi todd?” He asked without preamble.

I had steeled myself for anything so this didn’t catch me off-guard. I sat back, thinking about my answer. I didn’t want to respond too hastily since this was serious.

“I can see those wheels turning in your head,” Master Mike said with a smile and wagging a finger at me. “Tell me what’s going on in your mind.”

I took a deep breath. “I can’t explain it but when I walked into the bar the night of the salve auction, I saw more real men there than I have in my entire life.”

He continued smiling so I kept going. “I’m not ever going to get a body like them so I want to be as close to one as possible. It’s like something inside of me awoke at the sight of the men in leather. Now that feeling won’t be satisfied with anything else. I want to serve a muscle man in leather, like yourself.”

Master Mike nodded his head while I was talking but still did not say anything.

“May I ask You something, sir?”

“Please do.”

“Why do you dominate other men?”

I saw Him glance away as if He was thinking. “No one has asked me that until now,” He said slowly. “Would it surprise you if I said that I love all my slaves completely?”

“That hadn’t occurred to me,” I answered. In truth, it did surprise me. A lot.

“You thought that it was just about the sex, didn’t you?” The levity in his tone assured me he wasn’t upset or angry. “You probably thought it was just a way for me to have a ready supply of ass, that I can take whenever, or wherever the mood or the urge strikes me.”

I looked at the two slaves standing on either side of Him. Earlier Todd was told to sit in a chair next to Master, so is there still a slave on each side? I had no doubt that they would service Master in any way he commanded without reservations.

“I can see that’s exactly what you thought,” Master said, still smiling as if amused by my reaction. “And that I just like torturing and beating guys? I love them very much to the opint Typo that I want to take care of them so completely and so thoroughly that they have nothing to worry about. I provide for them and in their way, provide for me.”

“That’s where I come in,” I said with excitement. “No longer concerning myself with the daily grind of life, I could be free to focus fully on You!” I accentuated my point with a grin.

But Master was no longer smiling. “It’s not as easy as it seems and this is not a respite or a nunnery for you to hide from life. It takes a major attitude adjustment to relinquish all control to someone else.”

“I’m certain I can do that,” I said with confidence.

“Except last night at the bar.” Master Mike gave me a stern look.

“Oh.” I had forgotten about my failure. That incident showed me what Master meant. “But may I ask, how does that serve You? To have me strip naked in a bar?”

“If I am to take complete care of you, then you should show me unwavering gratitude. We do that by learning to love each other to the point that you don’t care what other people might think. In the bar last night, you thought it was about being seen naked in front of other people, instead of excited that maybe I just wanted to see your beautiful nude body.” He steepled his fingers resting, his elbows on the table, while this soaked in. I had never had anybody refer to my body as beautiful, naked or otherwise.

“Do you really think that? That I’m beautiful nude?” I couldn’t even believe I was asking these questions.

“The nude male form is beautiful,” Master said. “No matter the build.” He reached around behind him and grabbed one of the slaves, pulling him forward. Adjust Should it be ‘adjusting’? His position in His chair, Master placed the slave on His lap and gave him a passionate kiss. When they parted lips, the slave wrapped his arms around Master and laid his head on his shoulders, nuzzling His neck.

To me, the look on the slave’s face was one of complete bliss, as if there were no other place in the world he’d rather be. I had never felt such an emotion nor had anyone with me. I needed no more convincing.

Swallowing hard, I asked, “What do I need to do?”