I call.....

Here is what I think and why:


He heard the sound of a train arriving at Llanwelly station but continued to drink his coffee, sipping away knowing it wasn‘t the one to carry him home.

I think the story would benefit from removing this. It is clunky and you do a much better job setting-up the story in the second paragraph.



He took a sip of his hot drink and looked at his long walking stick decorated with a wolf.

As I recall it was only the handle that had a wolf's head. It was silver too. This is how he killed the werewolf which attacked him.



His own father had battered him with the stick now at his side and he had been pronounced dead, he had no idea why they had done that.

side, and

dead. He


Now, sitting in the station waiting for his train, his memory was hazy, the girl Gwen didn’t want to know him and his own father had beaten him, not what would usually be called successful. 



I feel you are repeating information here. Such a thing can be needed, but I feel this is such a short story that it is not needed.


It hurt him and he thought it must have chipped the tooth.

him, and


He ran his tongue across his teeth to check and they felt unusually sharp.

Consider: He ran his tongue across his teeth. They felt unusually sharp.



He stood, wanting to go to the bathroom to check himself out in the mirror, look at his teeth and see if there was hair on his face like it was on his hands.

Consider: He stood, wanting to go to the bathroom mirror to look at his teeth and see if there was hair on his face like it was on his hands.



As he slid back his chair, he heard a scream from a lady standing next to him.

Consider: As he slid back his chair, the lady standing next to him screamed.


He turned so he could ask her what was wrong but she was running, looking back at him over her shoulder, panic on her face and her eyes open wide in terror.


Consider: He turned to ask what was wrong, but she was running, looking back at him over her shoulder with panic on her face, eyes openED wide in terror.



Larry tried to call out, ask her what was wrong.

You are repeating information here. Please consider: Larry tried to call out.


When he opened his mouth to shout his voice didn’t emerge, instead a loud inhuman howl echoed through the station.

Consider: His voice didn’t emerge, instead a loud inhuman howl echoed through the station.


It echoed out of the coffee shop and out onto the platform creating station-wide panic.



To me, this is telling and not showing.


He let out another howl, the animal inside him coming to the surface burying the man deep inside his own body.

howl; the

surface,


His arms, legs and back changed shape, arched so he was on all fours.

You can, you should try and skip "so". It tends to weaken your writing.


His nose and mouth extended and became a snout, teeth protruded from his now doglike jaws, drooling as he looked around the coffee shop at his potential prey.


snout;


Torn clothes still clinging to the body of the now wolf, he sprung away from the table where he was sitting, sending the chair tumbling across the room but not nudging the table and spilling the coffee.

wolf; he

I would remove: " from where he was sitting"


He jumped across the room, landing on the back of a man with an umbrella and bowler hat who was struggling to open the door to exit the coffee shop in panic.

When you can, you should try and avoid "was". This allows the story to become more active.


Got to ask, I didn't think this was a full moon. If it is, I think you might want to say so. It just seems like it is the middle of the day and he is wolfing out.


The wolf shook its head with man’s neck still in its jaws, spraying the other people who were screaming and trying to get out in sheer panic in the man’s blood.

with the man's

He took a sip of his now lukewarm coffee.

I would have felt this would have been spilt.



His clothes were tattered and his hands, body and face were covered in blood.

His clothes tattered and his hands, body and face, covered in blood.


At least now it was peaceful and quiet while he drank.

Leave this as is.


Great ending. BUT, why did the wolf go away?

In the classic Universal movie, "The Wolf Man" it seemed to me when he changed it had to with moon and sun. Here it doesn't. Fine, but you clearly base it on that movie.I think you should note why the change or the time.

To me this could have used some more showing.

I felt there was a little too much passive voice, holding this back.

Also I felt you could made greater use of the setting.

Now that I have read it all the way through, I see why you had your opening paragraph. I think you should keep it, but make it smoother.

Lots of good stuff. This has the makings for a good flash. Keep at it.

Let me know if you do a revision. I'd love to see it.

Alice