Something Awful Comes This Way!

I've been modelling for years;
in haute couture, I flaunted my paws,
nude, I posed for catalogues,
torn, I posed with cattledogs,
beribboned, I've been shot
in cards declaring "It's a boy!"
I've been photographed with
some of the best known teddies
of the western world; I've been used
in sentimental posters for twee kiddies
I've strutted down catwalks
in Paris and Milan and I won
hottest Teddy Model of the Year
merely six short years ago,

and now

I want you to get me the head
of that despicable photographer
who stole that execrable shot
not taken from my good side
in which I dangle from the hands
of a sycophantic white rodent.
My career has been terminated,
so I will pay whatever it takes
to get a hit put on the evil man
who took that photograph of me.