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 |  Thanks for SLAMMING, this contest has finished |
Round 4: BADVENT SONGS! Write two! Write new words for a Christmas carol or holiday song, just as I did for “We Three Kings” in the sample “We 3 Stinks.” Provide 1-3 verses, and mention the title of the song as sung to the tune of…below the poem title. Example: We 3 Stinks sung to the tune of “We Three Kings” We 3 Stinks of BADventing are Bound to leave our butt cheeks ajar: Gaswords bleeding, ill proceeding Guide us to thy BAD 1-STAR!!!!! Round 4 has these two prompts, built from the one, so you will be using TWO SONGS and posting TWO POEMS in one REPLY to the Round 4 prompt. To win, you must have two poems and be awful in both. Post by noon, WDC time, on Thursday, December 13, a fine unlucky number following the uncanny 12-12-12 prompt. Round 4 topic 1: Venting, ranting, or complaining about something. Round 4 topic 2: Sickness or bodily dysfunction. Having just come through food poisoning, I’ll be right there with you. Katya’s Samples: Revenge of the Herds sung to the tune of “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer” I hate the local drivers Never put their blinkers on How do you know they’re turning? At least they side swipe (not head on) I hate the local drivers Always it’s a rolling stop What if you’re in the crosswalk? You have really got to hop Then one foggy Christmas Eve I was driving home Up ahead eight blinkers on! Stamping hooves and now this song! Now I’m a reindeer driver In a rather cold locale But I’ll be back with bells on And a herd of reindeer brawn The Street Food Song* sung to the tune of “The Christmas Song”(forgive me Nat King Cole, Mel Torme, etc!) Don’t eat street food from a roasting fire Chestnuts aren’t a proper meal If you eat that food from the street You will not like the way you feel You’ll know that poooooo is on its way And on its way again and then again all day And you’ll dehydrate fast and fade away And while the SLAM goes on you’ll lie in bed and pray And so I’m offering this simple rule Don’t eat hot dogs from a cart Although it’s been warned many times, many ways… Don’t eat street food…[gurgle, fftt, wet fart] *I did not actually eat any street food. It was probably leftovers in my own fridge. But that’s another song. |
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