Something Awful Comes This Way!

"2 Christmas songs destroyed " 

Topic 1

Emptied Purse
(to be sung to Joy to the world)

Joy to the store! This shopper has come.
Let Joy buy a g-string
Let her dangling purse
Open up in gloom
For many gifts to bring
And many gifts to spring
And many gifts to sting and many to swing

Joy to the store, this shopper reigns
Let goods their darts employ
While crowds in blood
Crockpots and pains
Pull ahead the hounding Joy
Push ahead the hunting Joy
Pull and push ahead the hounding Joy

Joy to the store with a dimeless face
To make the shopkeepers cringe
The drain of her haggling
And the pain of her hustling
And ills of her trade
And aches and pains of her haggling
And deals with her temper
Knowing she’s no good camper
And aches and pains of her haggling

No more her packages will grow,
Nor money will infest her purse

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Topic 2

Tinkle Smells

(To be sung to the tune of Jingle Bells )

Dashing through the mall
In a stiletto-sway
O'er the displays I fall
Shoving all the way
Hell’s in cashier’s ring
Making my insides sting
Such fun it is to shop in fright
Of the bladder’s backbite

Oh, tinkle smells tinkle smells
Tinkle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to find
A restroom to sit’n spray

Oh, tinkle smells tinkle smells
Tinkle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to find
A restroom to sit’n spray

After an hour or two
I thought I'd take a piss
But pushed forward a little miss
And seated with a hiss
The stall was dark and dank
Toilet tissues lacked
Finally on to the seat I sank
And the darn flush cranked

Oh, tinkle smells tinkle smells
Tinkle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to find
A restroom to sit’n spray

Oh, tinkle smells tinkle smells
Tinkle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to find
A restroom to sit’n spray