Something Awful Comes This Way!

"How to Cheat Someone Out of His Goods" 

To start, you’ll have to judge your victim’s needs
Owns what, wants what, his emotional void
What makes him tick, what he likes, where he feeds
If eats crow or any humanoid.

Take one sucker cocky, la-di-da smart
Offer a few tricks, gifts, girlies, and booze,
Since farting from the mouth is one fine art
He’ll give you his shirt, no way you can lose

Make him feel special, but don’t break your toes
Kissing the Blarney or private Barney,
Your edge on him is massive without woes
He’ll grant his goods for Chili Con Carne

Learn to spot a weakness a mile away
So, witless, rich, and hungry do not stray