30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

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"God, just one more day."

Each day brings a single question to my heart
For death threatens to tear our lives apart.
"Will it be today when her heart gives way?"
The love of my heart faces death each day.
How do I live through tonight when I know
The diabetes may make me watch her go?
She may not awaken to see tomorrow's sun?
Will it be today, I ask when the day has begun?
Dare I to let my tears and fears be seen
Or must I just be as happy as I have been
These sixteen years of sharing our love?
Those moments she asks of God above
To release her from her fears and pain,
My heart jumps within me again, again.
When the power of the diabetes strikes,
Blood sugar goes up, then quickly spikes
Downward, spiraling toward quick death,
Her struggling with insulin to regain breath,
And I can only watch in fear; with hope, pray
For her to share my life and love one more day.
How do I deal with this dreadful fear right now?
Do I smile her way, read a poem, take a bow?
I don't know just what to do or what to say
When my heart shouts for one more day.
How, I ask, do I cope with a breaking heart?
I know I'll never be ready for us to be apart.

{font:courier}My sweet Molly, young at fifty-five (that's her picture), has "brittle diabetes", not Type I or II, but far worse because her body, the pancreas, does not produce insulin. Each day her blood sugar numbers bounce to severe emergency levels under thirty or over 150 and in those moments, she has to decide what to eat that will increase the number or decide which of two kinds of insulin and how much will bring it down to the safe 105 number. Our first prayer is for 'more years' while our second prayer is 'that she outlives her 91 year old widowed mother." In my heart I know it can't go on for years because of how dramatic the emergency moments are several times each day. I truly do ask, "How do I cope?" Ann
Some would say "she brought it on herself" because of 20 years of alcoholism;" and I ask you, If alcoholism is a problem for you, I hope you quit drinking before your pancreas quits working. ann



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