Mechanics Forum

Well, I've definitely changed, and probably improved, the passage.

The part you didn't get? Definitely a fragment, technically, but only because of the conjunction. "Live down to" means the same as "live up to." In other words, she's saying "I can feel Dad urging me to bust him up, the better to teach him the lesson about judging by appearances, but I don't want to be like Dad."

I found the original, fused the sentences as you suggest- despite misgivings.

I pulled and yanked at his hand, releasing pressure only as needed to prevent injury. My late father's voice echoed in my head: "Mercy only confuses the student," but I'd no intention of living down to Father's example. I had other people I preferred to please, like the Duchess. Besides, I only need to break his world view, not his wrist, his spirit, or—/quote}

I would continue to harp on the italic question, but do so only at the risk of being argumentative and ungrateful. I would hate to live down to my rep on those matters!

EDIT: I think I get what you're saying. Like with the other example (I agree exactly with what you said to the other guy, by the way! His example #3 is the best.) It's definitely overkill, when you're just adding the narrator's thoughts.

Anyhow, it's definitely been a useful exercise, putting my thoughts down in this reply (and deleting them 100 times, lol.) I even learned a little about my narrator/pov/character- like the fact that she only uses fragments when she's being frank.

In the above version, I differentiate between thoughts of remembered speech, and actual Kissla-in-her-own-words thoughts. But does that mean anything? And, am I wrong to keep both thoughts in the same paragraph? Ugh. Oh, what a tangled web I weave!