Mechanics Forum

I stand by my claim about the italics. If the statement is not HER thought, then it is a regular quote and should be treated as such (it doesn't need to be in italics). To readers, that should be enough to differentiate between your character's thoughts and the quote she is remembering, especially with the introduction you've given it.

Now, about that colon...

While there is nothing wrong with using a colon, of course, typically they are seen as being quite formal, and are often avoided in fiction writing. Colons are used to introduce lists, or to give information that is meant to amplify what precedes it. As it says in the Chicago, "The colon should generally convey the sense of 'as follows'." I would recast this sentence if I were you.

My late father's voice echoed in my head, "Mercy only confuses the student," though I'd no intention of living down to Father's example.

Oh, and we need an antecedent for "his" in the first and last sentence of your paragraph. Make sure, if you are going to use pronouns, that you also provide clear antecedents for them. (Incase you're not sure, an antecedent is the person or object or whatever to whom/which the pronoun refers.)

Another option is to make "need" in your last sentence past tense, which would eliminate the pesky italics problem altogether. This, if you wish, is a way for the thought to become part of the narrative---all it took was the addition of two letters. This is up to you, of course, but it is a way to simplify things.





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