WDC's Guiding Light Message Forum

I grew leery of drug talk over the years, because of things like "I've been on this two years and it still doesn't do anything helpful. When do we start talking about something different?" "keep taking it until it helps". Or "well if it isn't working, stop coming in then" Or the fact several side effects are permanent for me. And let me tell you, paranoia and hallucinations are not fun when combined with vigilance from PTSD on the bad days.

And yes, there are times what we've been through helps a LOT in writing. Yet other times, the days you can barely stand, care if you eat or not, or the flashbacks are thick as flies... Living through that day makes writing a long long removed dream.

Like I'm having a bad week. Post NaNo I appear to have had an emotional drop-off at the same time I've identified one of my therapists (yes, I have two currently) is incompetent and has no clue how to cope with nor help someone with PTSD, trauma, anxiety, and she even ignores when I tell her how often I think about suicide. And I've gone into another unstable sleep patch, so that is compounding the problem. And all this has made me consider, again, permanently dropping writing. I've grown very tired of wanting to write, loving writing and telling stories, but never being able to finish projects because there is no professional help for my bad stretches, and it grows tiresome not being able to finish projects due to I've only got a few days at a time before I lose my sanity again and then lose all my mental notes and the work becomes "what was this story again? Why was I writing it?" and mountains of guilt and shame, which again, no professional will even acknowledge when I bring t hose two up in session. They pretend I was just not talking "at the moment."

So yeah... It is an ongoing battle. A battle with ourselves.