Noticing Newbies

I think my work is still posted in the "Newbie" section since it's not yet 30 days, but in case you can't find it, the number is 2093129 .

To clarify, I wrote this with the intent on publishing through traditional means (I do understand there are other ways to publish, but I'd like to do traditional).

So I'm planning to submit to a agent first and go from there (I've already researched agents and listed out the ones I want to contact and why).

Here's my issue . . . most want the first 10 pages, which is great, but I'm wondering if I need some serious cleanup! Hindsight is 20-20, and what I thought 2 weeks ago was stellar perfection, I'm suddenly having second thoughts on.

I need some SERIOUS critiquing of my story (ok, so I could only upload 12 pages, but that's still what any agent would get). I've poked around on here enough to know that a lot of people want padded reviews to feel good about their work. I don't need a pat on the back.

I'm looking for people who've read memoirs and narrative non-fiction enough to recognize a needed change. I changed my opening slightly. It did start off with a paragraph of camper life and then dove into a VERY LONG flashback. Because of this, I kept dialogue to a minimum. I have since dumped the first 5 paragraphs (no more flashback sequence).

Here's my problem, I'm wondering now if it's too thin on the dialogue. Once we get into camper (original flashback over) it kicks into dialogue high gear . . . but that's probably 50+ pages down the road.

Thoughts . . .ideas . . .advice!