October Novel Prep Challenge

Heya Noyoki ,

I took a quick look at the religion part and I think it sounds really cool and original. Really good job! I particularly like that the Goddess isn't perfect and she tries again and again to make companions for herself, and that the animals are changed but never quite good enough. I always love it when there's legends and lots of lore involved. I love the way you created a complex racial-political mix between the three races, without the basis being really complex.

I think the last part is more complete, when the Inkata, humans and Nokorii start to coexist, than the beginning of the story, so perhaps it's an idea to think a little more about that? Questions that your story made me think of were:

Why is the Goddess lonely? Why does she get those kinds of emotions, she's an eternal, powerful being, so being lonely sounds almost too human for her. Does she have a background story on why she would feel that?

Perhaps she wasn't alone at first, but she was later? Who is her first love, and why was her heart turned cold? Was she always so demanding or was she more naive at first? Was she betrayed or was her love not reciprocated?

How could she create the world? Why did life spill forth wherever she walked, did she make a conscious effort on that, or does that always happen wherever she walks?

Is all life the same wherever she walks, or different, for example where she got sad, or where she rested or where she got angry? Or maybe different for some other reason?

It seems a bit thin to say that humans were created on a whim/as an amusement. Why would she do this? Was it on purpose or an accident? A first draft version? Were they created to serve the Inkata?

Why did the Inkata male fall in love with the human girl? And why did the Goddess fall in love with the Inkata male? And why didn't he fall in love with the Goddess, it sounds like the Inkata really adore the Goddess.

What is the Goddess' law? Does she have any commandments?

Those are just a few questions I came up with, please don't feel like you need to answer all or even any of them, they're meant to help you brainstorm.

As for other ways of worship, I think the sacrifices and certain death for falling in love with humans is a good basis for the Inkata. Perhaps the animals can worship her through trying to give her companionship, as they have failed to do that before? Does the Goddess have a certain symbol? That might help you think of worship types as well. If it's a certain tree or flower for example, people could plant those, or make them have special meaning, or where they pray or make wishes. I always really like some Asian cultures where they leave little offerings for the spirits at the beginning of the day, such as milk, flowers, food, color powder, etc. The color festival, Diwali (festival of light), Carnaval, gifts for family members, certain dances? How do they pray and how often, private or together? The Goddess means something different to each one of them, and the other way around, the Inkata are the favorites, almost equal, the humans are more of an afterthought and a disappointment, the animals are more servants and pets. How do their ways of worshiping her influences by this?

Of course you probably have a lot more thoughts than you wrote down here, so I hope I didn't take too many liberties with your story or made too many assumptions.

Hope that helps. Good luck and keep up the good work!

Cheers,

Kali

P.S. I don't know how this is for other people but... My cats are always around me, on me, on my computer screen, on my k*^%eybo*&^ard... Are you sure the Goddess didn't ditch the leopard because he treated her like a servant? Because that's what my cats do. They think I'm their pet... Maybe I am their pet... Help me? Someone?