Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

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What's up? So, most of you probably already know me, or have seen me around, or don't know me at all. That covers all the bases, yeah? Anyway, hi. I'm Charlie and I created this group. I've seen a boatload of writing on WDC about mental health issues, and I thought it might be nice to put as many of us as possible into one forum just to talk, write, whatever...

Obviously, we are more than our mental health though, right? So, who am I? I'm a junior in college majoring in finance and accounting. I live in the Midwest U.S. in a major city that rhymes with Mar-a-lago. I live with my wife and her best friend, plus a few cats, in an overpriced one bedroom apartment. Other than writing, I love music and anything that makes me feel good even just briefly. I guess if I had to label myself, I'd say I'm a half-hearted hedonistic heathen.

Speaking of labels...

I've been going to therapy on and off for a long time. Well, as long as you could expect a junior in college to be in therapy. Ya know, not like 25 years, but a substantial portion of my life anyway. As you can imagine, I've developed quite a rap sheet in my therapy daze. I think I was around 11 when I got my first diagnosis. I guess the rest is history, as they say.

To the people who are afraid of therapy because of these labels, yeah, I can't blame you. Of course I'd never aim at deterring people from seeking help. In fact, I think you should, but there's nothing quite like meeting a new doctor, having them go through your medical history and then giving you this look: ಠ_ಠ

If I had to guesstimate, I'd say I've been diagnosed with somewhere between 10-12 things in all my years of therapy. Some of them I disagree with, others are obvious. There are a few different categories of my labels. There are the ones that are total bullshit to me that I won't repeat. There are the recent, obvious, and consistent ones which I will repeat. And then there are the recent, obvious and consistent ones I won't repeat because I'm not comfortable enough to.

I figure if you can read it somewhere in my blog, I'm alright with saying it here though. The most disruptive mental health disorder I have is borderline personality disorder. This one is just a given for those who know me. It's like an undeniable one that I can't pivot around and I've been consistently diagnosed with it by every psychiatrist I've seen in the past. I plan to do an article on BPD later in the month if I have time, but for now, this article   will do the job if you are interested in knowing more about me and my issues.

The second one is a recent diagnosis. Some of you probably remember when I was diagnosed with OCD last summer: "Invalid Entry"  As you can tell if you've read that entry, this one kind of took me off guard. I didn't know a lot about the disorder. I didn't really understand what was happening or why I was doing the things I was doing. I think it's obvious from that entry that I was angry. Even after realizing that I'd had a Pure-OCD issue since childhood, I was still pissed.

There's no easy or nice way to put it: I had a mental health crisis last year. I had a psychological breakdown. I couldn't eat because every food seemed contaminated. I couldn't go outside because I was terrified of breathing in or touching something contaminated. I was washing my hands until they bled on a daily basis. For lack of a better word, I was fucked.

And I was pissed. I was angry because I was already dealing with other issues. I didn't understand how it was fair to have TWO severe mental health disorders and on top of that, the disorders that I had were at such odds with each other. They conflicted. During a BPD episode, I'd have casual, careless sex and then immediately following, I'd have a complete emotional meltdown because I had surely just contracted HIV. I didn't understand how these two things could co-exist within one brain. And to be fair, I still don't.

Which brings you up to date on me, who I am, my current struggles. If I could say I've overcome those issues in the 7 months since I wrote that entry, I would. But then I probably wouldn't have made this group and you wouldn't be reading this right now.

So, my point is, yeah... Hi, I'm Charlie.

Best,
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