Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

I think it's pretty practical, Angela... but I can't take credit for it. I've never felt sorry for myself, felt regret, or felt any burden or relief where forgiveness is concerned. Even when I was a kid and emotionally damaged, I don't remember any of these types of abstract feelings. If I made a conscious choice to have nothing to do with them, then I was pretty little at the time. I might have. They do seem... useless.

I mean, yeah... I can see no regret or remorse being an issue if you're criminally inclined... I'm not. So... useless.

Hmmm... I guess I don't purge either. I mean... ... it's pretty instantaneous. I consider whether or not it's worthwhile to keep someone in my life, and when it isn't, they're just... gone. No contact, no goodbye, no interest.

Obviously sometimes I make a plan for when to cut someone out too, if I need them. Like my ex-chair. He screwed me over several times... because he could. I had no choice. Now, I haven't cut him off because he co-authored a paper I wrote that forms a whole chapter of my thesis. It is in my best interest to play nice (even though I fired him from my committee). He just sent me the last of his revisions on the paper... once it's published, I'll never talk to him again. Not drama... just no need. Essentially, that wall exists already, but I'm good at keeping someone at a distance even if I have to talk to them.

The forgiveness and apology thing isn't just for the big deal issues either. I don't mean apologies to anyone... family, friends.. I don't need forgiveness or to forgive them. If I say sorry... it's because it's what you say. Like "how are you?" and "fine". When someone says "you hurt me" or "you messed this up"... "sorry". It means nothing to me though... I'm not sorry. I can maybe say and mean "sorry that you're hurt" as an alternative for "that sucks, bro". Pretty sure my close friends have heard that a bunch.