Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

Have you ever forgiven someone who negatively affected or maybe even caused some of your mental health issues? How did you do it? Is there anyone you still haven't forgiven? Do you think you should forgive them, and if so, what would it take for them to earn your forgiveness?

A few years ago I followed others advice and decided to forgive those that have done something to me that I couldn't get past. I used to hold on to everything and I learned that it was eating me up inside and I was only hurting myself further. Those that hurt me were still living life the same, better, some may be worse (doubtful), but I was/am struggling.
I found it rather easy to forgive the small things that someone did to me, but the major pain was much harder. And, I still have that pain. I tried to forgive, mostly for myself. In fact, it was all for myself, because the ones who have hurt me deeply have never asked for forgiveness, let alone admitted that what they did was wrong.
I've grown a lot since my divorce. I was still very young when I married and during my 13-year marriage, I was sheltered from almost everything in the world. I thought that I had healed my mental state, later finding out I can't be cured of it, apparently, not without affecting the rest of my future happiness anyway.
But, even after forgiving those that have hurt me in very strong ways, it's all still there. Maybe I didn't forgive them, really?
I don't know. I just know that even after I thought I had forgiven them, it's all still there, still painful, and still affects everything I do and say and how I react to things now. So maybe major forgiveness just isn't in me. Maybe, deep down, I know that they just don't and never will, deserve to be forgiven.
I don't let little things get to me anymore. I forgive just about anything now. I don't let anyone close enough to be able to hurt me as bad as I've been hurt in the past. It's part of how I deal with my anxiety. I also don't have any problems cutting people out of my life. Being a military brat, that has never been a problem. I find it more hurtful that I do have that ability because even people I should have in my life, I don't.
I do think that if those that hurt me so bad were to finally admit to what they have done, I would be able to forgive them, completely, even if they don't ask for forgiveness. But I just don't think that is ever going to happen with either of them. (My mother and ex-husband)

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Shhh. Whisper.....