Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

That's true, but growing up I was the moral person who followed the rules and never got in trouble. I went off that path in college, but after I was raped, I quickly returned to that path.

The detective blamed me for what happened. He said, "He did admit to doing things to you, but that sucks for you and you should get tested. It was your fault that you made this successful man do what he did." I tend to be very honest and I was honest about how I couldn't really remember much of what happened and it's painful for me to get examined. It most likely was the oddest thing on earth for the detective to hear, but I couldn't remember and I was having some drama in my life. I wanted to give the whole story. Maybe I shouldn't have. The case was dropped and I blamed myself for having that case dropped. I was afraid he'd do it again to others. My dad is a deputy in another county and to him it sounded like the guy did it before because of how it was planned. My rapist died three years ago, so I don't have that worry anymore. For whatever reason, my parents didn't take me to the hospital the night I came home, even though I was so out of it and my dad said I was gasping for air at one point. I don't really remember much of that night. Just a few things and a lot of fear after he yelled at me for being less of a woman because I wasn't really cooperating, yelling at me for getting sick, then dragging my body to the bathroom. I really remember that because that's when I went into panic mode. I still have nightmares about that.

Maybe the reason why I took it so hard when a few old friends said I deserved it too is because deep down I agreed with them. I agreed with the detective too. I'm not the same person I was in high school and that is mostly good, but I do regret going. However, I couldn't have predicted what happened. He seemed nice, his friends that owned the cupcake shop seemed nice. Hindsight is always 20/20 and it was odd that the cupcake shop gave him the company card to take me out and they went into the back to talk for about ten minutes before he took me out. However, I was naive at 24 and never experienced such nastiness. I refuse to go back to that cupcake shop.