Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

I was just rereading your post again and realized I can relate to a lot of words in this post, words like your fight tell you to reject others before they get the chance to harm you in some way. There were also times when I was doing just fine with someone but I constantly had some bugs in my head telling me: this won't work, you'll get hurt, you better leave before it happens again, they don't care about you, you're no one to them, etc. and no matter how much those people tried to prove me wrong I kept convincing them they'll hurt me. Like, I literally predicted such thing. I told them how it will look like. It was always the same row of events I told, of course, the ones I'm always afraid of, and it looked so real to me but, to them, it was nonsense so they fucked me off because they couldn't put up with this way of thinking anymore. And even times I tried to explain to them all that but they didn't care to listen. I'm not in contact with those people anymore, I put them behind. I think I'd be embarrassed if I get in contact with them now because I know I was an asshole and probably a psycho in their eyes .