Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

Today is my daughters 29th Birthday. We haven't communicated in about four years. I stopped speaking with her because of her extreme uncaring and narcissism. Even though I do believe much or most of it was her upbringing, and I do take responsibility for that, she just doesn't care. At all. I don't know how to talk to any person who just doesn't care, let alone someone I love as a mother, no matter what. And the one person I sacrificed my own needs for. But she doesn't want to hear of that, or of the truth, and all I can do is wait until she does. If I'm still around when that MAY occur. I always thought by the time she was 30, we'd be tight. I just didn't count on her mental health standing in the way, and her complete lack of caring to do anything about it. She won't accept any help, won't admit she isn't normal and I'm the weird one, and she manipulates every situation to her own advantage.

No, I just couldn't deal with such negativity and dishonesty.

I have gone back and forth over the years even before our estrangement, about writing her a long letter. However, I question whether she has the comprehension and ability to understand most of it. I do not want her back in my life, the stress is pretty astronomical, and it makes me sicker. So, self preservation is really what our estrangement is all about. My sister keeps in touch with her, so I get to hear much of what she's up to (hard enough, you wouldn't believe!).

She was always like me when she was younger, and I know who ruined her, and throw in her own mental issues undiagnosed... just amazing someone like me could have a daughter like her... I care about everyone, and she cares for no one as much as herself. That may be harsh, but it happens to be truth. Took me a long time to accept it. I know who shares in the responsibility. I know what to do and say, and believe I have done it. But birthdays are harder. Guess it just feels better to say something about her, rather than keeping it mostly secret.Thanks.