Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

How much do you sleep on an average night? Do you use sleep aids?

I struggle with actually falling to sleep. In the past, this has resulted in bouts of insomnia. This is especially troublesome when I have to get up really early for work or other responsibility. I don't like the groggy drugged up feeling in the morning as a result from sleeping pills. Plus, for a good reason, I have issues about taking pills. Sometimes, if it is a medicine I have to take, I prefer to smash it into powder and then drink it in something. Honestly, marijuana works better for me than sleeping pills. I go to sleep easily without waking up with that nasty groggy feeling.

Do you wake up in the middle of the night often or have trouble falling asleep?

After a nightmare, sometimes I struggle with going back sleep, depending on how traumatic the nightmare is. I've gotten better at shaking this off though and falling back to sleep.

Do you remember your dreams often? Have you ever had a lucid dream? Do you have nightmares? Can your dreams/nightmares be connected back to real life things you're dealing with, or are they often random?

I don't always remember my dreams, but those that I do are usually significant. A lot of times they are psychological to what is going on in my subconscious. For example, throughout my life, I've always had these dreams of going to my grandparent's old home. The walls are always pure white and there is always something gross or pure evil in the attic. A while back I figured out that the home is the outside appearance, and the attic is the mind or what hid in secret. These dreams are in a sense are a representation of the damage from generational abuse. I pretended to be alright, but in reality, there was a lot of psychological damage.

The last time I dreamed of going back to their home was a few months ago. This time my youngest was going inside the home, chasing after a stray dog. I ran after her to protect her, telling her she needs to let the dog go and that she can't save it. She ignored me and ran into the home. I ran after and lost her in there. For some reason, instead of the attic, I went to the basement. The basement was flooded with water and two large frozen puddles of blood in the shape of human bodies were floating towards me. I still don't know what the blood means. Since this is my grandparent's home, I'm thinking it has something to do with the genetic curse within my family which has been passed down from one generation to the next. The fact that I lost my youngest in there, I think refers to my fear of losing her in reference to issues, which have been handed down generationally.


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