Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

Umm a bit over a week ago, a friend really hurt me. Its sent me into a tailspin. I kept crying which is something I only do with really high emotions. I mean, I don't even cry with most of my medical crapola. So the situation could use a few opinions. I'm not great at keeping friends. Mainly my medical crap makes it hard. But I also get along better with men lol. I forgive easily, but once I've had it? That's IT. You are OUT. And I've been known to put up with a lot of BS in the past, so I've been actively working on drawing some boundaries.

A friend thought I was preaching to her, and directly quoting scripture (which I CANNOT do I do not have the mental capacity for memorization unless it's numbers) (but I suck at math yes, stick with me) and MOST PEOPLE around here KNOW I am not judgmental. And I emphasize words here and there by capitalizing them, not sentences, which would be YELLING. At least, that's how I see it. She accused me of yellling the scripture at her I mean, I really and truly believe there are many ways to whom I call the Father, or heaven, valhalla, the magic balloon ride from Community, enlightenment, say. I do not ascribe to any religion, but I believe in God and Jesus, so I call myself a Christian?

She called me a "bible thumper".

Then she tried (after not hearing a response from me for a week) to explain herself. She didn't apologize but she assured me she knew I didn't INTEND to bible thump her but I did and she can't be friends with anyone who does that as she went to religious schools and knows the bible quite well thank you (never knew any of this)(she could have mentioned it in passing over the past few years)(omg how do you not mention this?)

I don't know whether to respond or not. I considered her a good friend and we were working on expanding our friendship. We've been working together on some spiritual practices she has knowledge in regarding my health, and have been talking about different beliefs and rituals and erm people. Never in my life have I been... hmm...

Bible thumper. Me? I was honestly explaining something to a person I thought was also a Christian. I mean, she's more new agey and into American Indian traditions and chakras and many different tribal beliefs like, but never did she explain she hates the bible. Or act like it. I figure you can believe in more than one 'system' or dogma or faith. That 400-seater flew RIGHT over my head, and I'm pretty intuitive with most people one-on-one.

Ugh.

Sorry didn't mean to drop any bombs. But it's been a while and I'm still thinking of responding... or not. I know I need to. Basically a person cannot THUMP a bible at someone they think believes in it as well. Begs the question, right guys? Slippery slope of logic? Something? Anyone?

I thought it was a safe place to discuss at least SOME of what I believe in faith-wise, but it wasn't. That kinda made me feel super shitty. I think my friend had a temper tantrum. No, she's not young. 'Dis Homey don't play games very well... So now there's a colddddd frost blowing in from me, and she must feel it.

Ah! A meme quote:

IF I AM SILENT it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chillin', it depends. May the odds be ever in your favor.



But I'm not prone to meanness. Or moodiness really. Not so peeps around me would know, unless I wanted to talk about it. Even when I'm pissed the f off, I rarely ever say what I want to. I'm much happier as a kind person. Aspiring to most usually be kind (never always because perfection so isn't the goal).

I can explain myself to her in about two paragraphs, if I focus VERY, VERY HARD. And I can just send that to her. And if that isn't good enough, then we'll have to part ways. Even though I don't want to. Because I already walk on eggshells at times with my mom, nearly all the time with my sister, and gawd knows my estranged daughter: I refuse to do so with my friends as well. I think I can do this. Stick up for myself. Make it non emotional, just the factual explanation of the accusations that were incorrect. And leave that ball in HER court. Not as a game, but like, wtf did you expect me to say? How'd you expect me to react?

Sigh. I don't get hotheads. I really don't!

All the anniversary and friend-love I've been getting around here in the last two days has made me feel more confident to post this. I'm no shrinking violet, I just don't like to bother with drama if I can just NOT. I got enough other drama in me wanting out, I don't want to waste it ah haaaaa ha ha ha. Whata Comedian. Comedienne. Hmmm

Adrie

PS: What do you consider 'bible thumping'? You know I love my atheistic friends, you MUST have encountered BT before. Gosh we really can be such a judgmental society. Can we just blame Trump for everything?

Just so you see it (whenever) because I hate not getting tagged in my own forum Charlie ~