Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

First of all, I'm sorry you got hurt by your friend, Adrie. It sounds like you guys were pretty close (and getting closer) before this incident, so that really sucks.

I think you know by now that I grew up in a super religious and restrictive environment. I went to religious schools and never missed religious services. I don't know anything about your friend, but I personally had a really terrible time with religion. I met some bad people that you never want a kid to meet.

As an adult, I have to actively remind myself to not project the shitty people from my past onto the new people that enter my life. There was a long time when if I heard someone say they were Christian, I got instantly uneasy and almost paranoid. I've gotten a lot better at quietly shutting those prejudices down.

As far as your friend goes, I think I need more context to really know what's up. Like, what was the conversation when this happened? What did you say before she called you a bible thumper? It's weird that she would think you were quoting bible scripture when you're not, having grown up in religious schools. I know the bible as though I wrote it myself.

To me, bible thumping is when someone is, like, aggressively shoving their religion down my throat. It's especially bad when you're already down. So, like, for example, if I've been in a psych hospital and someone repeatedly tells me that I need to pray to god for forgiveness and healing, that is bible thumping to me. I have a serious medical problem and I'm not religious, so you can see where there's kind of a disconnect between what they're saying and what's actually going to help me heal. It's like they're pushing an agenda instead of actually being supportive?

I don't think you should walk on eggshells around anyone though, whether you're religious or not. It might be a case where you guys should just agree to disagree and stay away from religious topics in the future. Either way, I don't think it hurts to explain your side of things and see how she responds. You probably don't want to cut someone out because of one argument because you might regret it in the future.

I don't really look at it as giving into her tantrum. I look at it as looking out for my future self and what my future self wants. If your future self will probably want this person in your life, you should communicate and see if you can solve things. And I'd go at it from that angle as well. Not, "Hey, so, this is a summary of why I'm right..." but, "Hey, so, I care about you and I want us to work this out..."


Best,
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