Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

Hi all, I'm posting to introduce myself. I'm so happy to find this group - I don't know when it was formed but I just recently found it and I think it's fantastic. to have this on WDC. I previously was a member of Affected by Abuse (not sure if it's still active or not). Hopefully, I can be a great source of information and encouragement for everyone because I have a WEALTH of knowledge I'm happy to share. To do that, I think it's important to have a good understanding of my history. I've endured more tragedy than most people will ever see in their lifetime. Some of you may have similar stories.

My birthday is next Friday and I'll be 39. 40 is right around the corner (how'd that happen?) and I honestly am amazed to be alive to see it. I'm a survivor of incest by my father as well as physical torture at his hands, emotional and verbal abuse and neglect. He was an alcoholic and a sadist. One of his favorite tortures for me was to make me stand in a corner with my arms above my head. He would mark where my fingertips were and if they slipped at all, beat me with a belt. And there's far worse as well.

My mother abandoned me to him when I was 10, a few days after my grandmother died. Fortunately, he went to jail when I was 14 and when I told a social worker just a little of what he had been doing to me, I was put in a foster home within hours. Foster care and a group home started me on a path to find myself that would last nearly two decades. I was raped at 14 as well, by an 18-year-old neighbor, and was labeled sexually promiscuous at 15. I tried to commit suicide a few days later. As an adult, I spent many years off and on homeless after I turned 18. I was carjacked and attacked at 19. I got my GED and eventually went to college off and on for more than 15 years. I tried to join the Navy and scored an 89 out of 99 on the ASVAB test but was told I couldn't join because there wasn't enough room for women on the carriers.

I was drugged and date raped at 22 at a party and left for dead. At 25, I was kidnapped from my own home by my next door neighbor, held prisoner and raped and sodomized at knifepoint for two weeks. I escaped, fled halfway across the country, only to be stalked and threatened by my kidnapper (who had attacked and almost killed two other women as well) until they could finally put him in jail with my help, and had an abortion. A few years later I got romantically involved with a man who I thought was the one and got pregnant with my daughter Liberty. He left when she was three weeks old and hasn't been back since. He has sexually assaulted two women since being with me.

Somehow, something clicked in my brain when I got pregnant and I knew I needed to change my life, somehow, whatever it took. I was responsible, for better or worse, for this new life. I was in a self-destructive pattern and couldn't seem to break free. I didn't know how to be healthy or how to take care of myself, let alone a child. My demons were winning and I was sick of it. I then went through 2 years of intensive cognitive behavior therapy for trauma victims that changed my life. Three hours a week for two years is what it took for me to get my head straight, to flush most of the demons from my mind. Thankfully, I've never fallen victim to drugs but I had some brief experiences with alcohol that probably left scars on my liver (I have an exceptionally high tolerance for a woman).

My daughter and I spent a year together in a homeless shelter when she was a young child and then I moved to Texas. We haven't been homeless since thankfully and I've learned how to protect her and myself and I do so fiercely, without apology. I named her Liberty. It was my promise to her that she would be free from the abuse I had endured, that I would always watch over her.

Amidst the tragedy I've educated myself over the years, with therapy, college, and courses, seeking knowledge at every turn. The internet has been invaluable for that. I was a licensed financial services provider with a securities license (a hard test to take) and a life insurance agent. I'm currently a certified Paralegal and a licensed Realtor. I was married to a narcissist for two years and then divorced. I've been remarried to an incredible man for the last five years. We have two children, one is his and one is mine technically.

I have learned to manage PTSD, depression, and Autism. My husband also has a traumatic childhood of abuse and abandonment plus three past failed marriages full of domestic abuse of him and his children. He has PTSD and depression as well as autism. Our son, Phoenix is 13 and has autism (he was nonverbal at 2), ADHD, PTSD, and depression. He's currently in an inpatient program for mental health treatment to address some of his challenges. Our daughter Liberty is 11, almost 12 and for lack of better terminology, she's pending a diagnosis for early-onset paranoid schizophrenia. As far back as I can recall she's had issues but they became disabling at age 7. Bio dad may be an undiagnosed schizophrenic as well as two aunts who have disappeared. She's spent more than 90 days inpatient this year for treatment and we're on the brink of another inpatient stay. I'm hoping we make it through the end of the year so she doesn't have to spend Christmas there. She has daily episodes of psychosis with hallucinations.

As a Paralegal, I've worked with car accident victims and through that have learned a tremendous amount about mental health, addiction, and mental illness. I was in a car accident myself three and a half years ago and deal with chronic pain. I'm also a successfully published award-winning author with over 20 years experience. I've been a WDC member for over ten years.

I say all of that to say that mental illness and abuse do NOT have to be the things that prevent you from being a success. I'm living proof. It's a challenge to overcome. At 14, I refused to be a victim any longer. And while I've been victimized since I'm a survivor. And I'm thriving every day. I look forward to learning about you all as well.