Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

At what age did you first notice you might have a mental health issue? Did you know then that it was a mental health issue? Did you just feel different than others?

For me, growing up the way I did, I didn't know there was anything different, really. My parents were alcoholics and I was mentally and sexually abused. I ran away just before my 16th birthday, only to end up back there a couple of months later after an accident left me bed-ridden for several months. I never realized that the things I faced would cause me issues down the road. I just thought, if I can get away, I'll be ok. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

Can you think of a specific 'triggering moment' for your mental health issues? Was there a particular instance that made you feel as though you'd sort of broken off mentally?

When my mother died I had a complete breakdown. It was a frightening and rapid descent into madness. I didn't really grieve the loss of my mother, I grieved the chance of ever having a real relationship with a mother. That loss triggered a release of all the other things I was bottling up and burying in me. Then two years later when my father died, I couldn't understand why I didn't give a damn. It bothered me that his death didn't bother me.


As an adult, what memories and mental health issues do you carry on from childhood?

Oh, hell lots of them. I cannot drink Jim Beam, they drank that. Just seeing a bottle of it in the store can give me a flashback. Certain aromas do that too. There's a shitload of stuff, actually.