Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

At what age did you first notice you might have a mental health issue? Did you know then that it was a mental health issue? Did you just feel different than others?

When I was ten I became very depressed to the point I would come home from school, head upstairs, flop on my bed and cry for an hour. I stayed there until I was called downstairs for supper. I didn't know then that it was a mental health issue. I just knew that I felt incredibly sad. I noticed that nobody else around me at home or at school seemed to feel this way. That's when I started to feel different.

Can you think of a specific 'triggering moment' for your mental health issues? Was there a particular instance that made you feel as though you'd sort of broken off mentally?

I don't remember an exact moment, but I do remember feeling like I wasn't a “real person” Hard to explain, I didn't feel whole or like I mattered.

As an adult, what memories and mental health issues do you carry on from childhood?

When I was around nine I had gone to bed and there was an overhead light above the bed. Company came and while the outside door was open a big moth got into the house. It was drawn to the light and began circling it. I was terrified and started screaming but nobody came because they were visiting. I have a moth phobia to this day.

I took a lot of verbal abuse from my parents and I think that was when the feelings of worthlessness took root. Silly childhood things but they all made an impact on me.