Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

Honestly, I always compared myself to other family members and thought I was mentally healthy in comparison. Of course, I always felt different and aligned myself with other outcasts when I was younger. Before I was a teen, I hated feeling different and sometimes wished I could have families like I imagined other kids had. When I became a teen, I embraced being different and took on the reject them before they can reject me type of attitude. All things that were considered normal cliche things among youth, like school spirit and whatever teen idle stuff was going on, I found annoying.

Although, I never considered that my bouts of depression were abnormal. I mean, everyone gets depressed sometimes, right? It wasn't until my early 20's that I realized there was something wrong with me. Yes, everyone gets depressed sometimes when things go wrong in their lives, but so-called 'normal' people don't stay that way for long bouts of time when life is seemingly going well, have panic attacks regularly, and contemplate suicide often.

The first clue that should have told me and others something was wrong with me was my first suicide attempt at age 18. Then in my early twenties, due to many triggers in my life, I began having several panic attacks a day. That is when I first chose to go to therapy. My second largest breakdown was about three years ago and it took me close to a year to dig myself out of it.

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