Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

This is my 'talk to Emily' day I've enjoyed it! And thank you for letting us know about your position, I really wanted to ask, but I tend to be patient with too many questions (lest I bowl you over like a big ass dog) tee hee. What's so weird is I kind of know where you're coming from. Or at least I can relate.

I was hired as a temporary employee at a 85k+ city at a time when there were no jobs to be had. I went into a field I had no experience in (IT) and I excelled Then my manager wanted me to be a city employee with a real position and benefits, so she made up a new position that was in a supervisory role called 'Information Technology Technical Assistant'. I would have told her it was a bit redundant, but nevertheless, I had to test for it and interview numerous times against other candidates to get it. I won it fair and square

However, this was during Y2K? Year 2000? Where we had to literally lay down new underground fiberoptic technology for internet, where the police and fire departments had to go through 100% upgrading and well let's just say I was sent to so much training... I have a natural ability to learn things that I should need a degree for. Or at least I did. Anyways, I and the Engineering Technical Assistant were the only two in the city with the position, and layoffs were occurring. But it was Y2K, so it worked. But I went through quite some bullying from those in lesser positions, temporary positions, or those who were laid off. Yikes. And I had to make a whole program up in the department to prove myself, as you mention, I mean I had to create work orders and then count them monthly and do statistical data to prove my position was necessary.

Anyways, my point is, it does add pressure to an already high stress job. I think the mantra that might help you is to tell yourself all you can do is the best you can do: they may not continue the position and funding, but it isn't really up to you, it's their decision. All you can do is provide your stats and do the job the best you can. If they decide to nix it, it WONT be your fault. And if you tell yourself that, maybe if it ends up happening in the future you will already be well on the way to accepting that it's their issue not yours 'Cause we already know you're awesome, right? Right!

I agree with Char btw, you are very articulate. I think of it like writing: people look down on writers sometimes. They say 'it's all been written before' and 'there's nothing new to speak of' but that isn't really true because we are all unique, and we all have different perspectives on the things we are writing about. I write almost exclusively non-fiction about my life; my illnesses, my childhood, my loves, my experiences. Does it mean nobody else has ever written about Cushings, adrenal failure, kidney removal, hip disease? No. However the combination of all my illnesses do make me unique, and my attitude and how I deal with it makes me unique as well.

So if you talk about something like depression, and Char does, and Dominique does, and me and River... are we just repeating and regurgitating? Unlikely. It just helps to put it to words what we're feeling. My poetry is more a purging than anything else There's nothing too unique about my poetry, but people can still enjoy it because they can perhaps relate to it. We can all relate... nod our heads and say hey yeah... I'm not the only one who does that!

I don't know why I'm so chatty except that bed rest (isn't bedrest one word? This computer is wrong more than it is right and I no longer trust it. At all.) with my pulled back muscle has isolated me lately and as it heals well... lol. But I also wanted to say that's what happens to me:I start vividly dreaming and remembering some traumatic incident in my past for seemingly no reason. It builds and builds until I start to write about it. Other people might go to therapy and talk about it and purge it that way, but I just have to write about it and once I do the dreams and near-flashbacks fade until they're gone. It's why ostrich-peeps never look up from the sand long enough to see the sunrise Poor peeps.

And dang, everyone's been in here posting and I didn't notice until tonight! I will come read through posts... RARE GOOD NEWS: My hip joint shots have helped me to be able to sit longer so I can be online longer. My pulled back muscle took it away, but I'll be able to be around more soon-ish. Because I rock! I have one more shot on Feb 1. By mid-Feb? I'm gonna be able to be online more. RUN. Faarrrr.

WELCOME EMILY! I do go quiet too, I promise... and just when you begin to miss me I'll pop up again, right? Right.

PS: interesting to note that I did consider deleting my job experience because I got pretty long winded, but I decided not to because I was making a point and you can always just ignore me if it doesn't speak to you. Or anyone can. Ya know? So maybe I do occasional question myself too. I must! Maybe it's just a confident month ha. Right-e-o, time for dinner, cat pile up on my lap, and a good book.

Char, Happy freaking one year anniversary! Thanks for this place!!!