Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

Hello Char!

Thank you very much for your speedy reply, and thank you for your interest in my current project.

What have I been doing to cope with the triggers to my suicidal thoughts? Well, I continue to take my meds, pray and reach out for help -- from my therapist (I have online therapy through faithfulcounseling.com), from a priest at my parish, from one of my Lay Carmelite friends. I also email the Samaritans when I am under great strain -- though they are based in the UK, they accept emails from all over the world. The Samaritans' emails are quite helpful to me.

Some of the symptoms I've experienced with double depression? Yes, it is like the depression never quite goes away. I have atypical depression (frequent oversleeping, a tendency to overeat, cheering up temporarily when I have good news, leaden paralysis in my legs when I am quite depressed) with psychotic features (paranoia, hearing voices, seeing things -- but these symptoms happen only when I am extremely depressed). I tend to think that my depression is part of my personality, and that I have little, if any, control over my life: I tend to think that fate is in control and that no matter what happens, my fate is to ultimately kill myself. (This is one reason why I never married or had children or had intimate relationships: I did not want to pass on my "bad genes" to future generations and I did not want to devastate anybody by my suicide.) Therefore, I tend to think that it is imperative that I successfully publish a novel before I die, so that I have a claim to fame, so that I will not be forgotten.

Again, many thanks.

Katheryn