%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  A support forum for writers dealing with mental illness |
I'll admitt, it's not always easy for me to see other peoples views and opinions as valid when I disagree. When I see something my way, that's the way I see it. I just had to deal with a polarizing topic this week with my sister. She came at me, rather harshly about the fact that I'm not working. And granted, I've discussed on here that I'm already struggling with this fact, it's not something I just don't care about. But... when you can barely walk, get your leg high enough to get into a car, cannot stand for more than 30 minutes at a time, it's difficult to find a proper job. I've applied for disability and was denied. Not only that but.. she cannot grasp in her perfect life as a nurse that someone with mental illness and a daily battle to stay clean from substances, it takes a lot out of you. Add in a toddler and I'm mentally and physically drained. I couldn't handle a job right now. Physically or mentally. I really couldn't. Well, apparently I'm not ALLOWED on my family vacation this year according to my sister because I don't have thousands of dollars to contribute so she can rent 2 full houses next to each other for 5 adults [3 total beds would be needed due to 2 of us are couples]. She decided to find the one possible way to be able to push me out of the vacation-- make it IMPOSSIBLE for me to go. Then, she bashed me for hours about how I'm not working and have been home for well over a year and clean for 2 years and I'm no less of a bum than I was before if I'm just going to sit around and do nothing with my life. I'm not a bum nor am I doing NOTHING. Yes, I'm currently a stay-at-home mother but guess what? Our mother, who she adored, didn't work my entire life besides substitute teaching here and there for a few years. My sister wouldn't DARE think of calling her a bum or even consider her a bum. She was a wonderful woman and a great mom. So, why am I a bum? Because I get to live at home with my child and you're jealous? Sometimes I think she's the dumbest person I've ever met-- because I'm positive some of this stems from jealously. She has the nerve to be jealous that I am living at home with my father and not working when she is a damn nurse and owns her own home. I WISH that future was possible for me. I'll never be able to be a nurse or in the medical field at ALL considering all my felonies. I know I'll never own a home. There's days when all I can mentally handle, is getting through the day without getting high, having an anxiety attack, cutting myself, pulling out half my head of hair, et cetera. My sister truly believes that I just sit around doing nothing, smooth sailing through life without a care in the world. No matter what I say to her, she'll never understand. Now, she's not ALL wrong, yes I probably could use motivation and a push in the right direction. Even just the motivation to reapply for disability and continue fighting for my drivers license back. I get so discouraged and afraid of being rejected again that I stop trying. Maybe instead of attacking me for everything I'm doing wrong, she could ask if I need help getting to these places to apply. Maybe I'm completely wromg and I am a damn bum. I don't know at this point. So, yes, I do see where I need to at least accept the others point of view and maybe I wouldn't be blacking out over the situation. I cried for an entire night-- balling my eyes out for hours and hours. But I guess I never sat down and said hmmm well, why is she coming at me like this over not working. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
