Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

My mom being a stay at home mom and me being a working mother was for a long time, a polarizing topic in our family:
My house was always a mess and hers was spotless.
She baked muffins and cookies and I buy them at the gas station.
She had home cooked meals for us every night, I sometimes serve my kids cereal for dinner.
I do not have the time or patience to follow through with some disciplinary actions so my kids get away with a lot. We as kids, got away with absolutely nothing and my mom was on us like white on rice all the time.

I remember once, my mom was watching the kids over summer vacation. Her actual line to my 9 year old son when she felt like he was being sneaky was "I'm not a working mother. You won't get away with that with me!"

Her defense was that because I spent less time with my kids, I was easier on them but she wasn't going to be. (Don't even get me started on how I think a gramma should behave versus how my mother behaves as a gramma) She may be right about me being easier on my kids. But to me, it's not because I am a weaker mother or because I don't have the time. It's because I think my parents were way too controlling and I am as a result an extremely anxious perfectionist and I don't want that for my sons.

I am also a single mother and my mother never had to work a day in her life because she married my bread winning father when she was 19 years old. That also created some tension and has resulted in some hard conversations. And I have not always been my light hearted fluffy self when these topics come up.

I read a book not too long ago called The 12 Rules of Life. One of the rules was: "Assume the person you are speaking to knows something you don't" This helps me keep an open mind and have empathy towards others and respect for their opinions.

I've also done a lot of work on acceptance. I'm still not 100% there but I have learned t really try and accept that my parents did the best with what they had and that I am doing the best with what I have. We both gave parenting 100% dedication just in very different ways, different times and different circumstances.


August Leaf

It takes courage to be vulnerable
Brene Brown