Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

Hi, I'm new here. I just joined WDC at the beginning of the month, and joined this group last night. A little about me, I live with depression, anxiety and PTSD from childhood abuse and sexual assualt as a teenager. I am married with four kids, two of my kids are adopted and two are biological. My oldest son has conduct disorder and schizoaffective disorder. He has a lot of legal trouble and causes a lot of trauma in the home with his behaviors, which are some his fault and some not. This feeds my depression and triggers my PTSD quite often.

What’s going on in your life? Any recent developments?
How has your mental health been the past few weeks?
What goals are you currently working toward? What have you already accomplished?
Is there anything that we can do as a group to support you more?

I recently withdrew from graduate school to focus on my self care after a mental breakdown. My anxiety and depression got so bad that I came the closest I've ever been to not surviving. My therapist recommended a partial hospitalization program for me because I refused to go inpatient. I'm glad I did, because the program was so much more helpful than any inpatient program I have ever been in! I was in the program for four weeks, and I learned so much about myself, including some of the reasons why I feel the way I do when I'm so depressed. I also learned new ways of controlling my anxiety, which was controlling me for so long I didn't even know how to tell the difference between anxious and not anxious anymore.
Right now I'm not sure if I'll ever go back to school or not. It's terrifying for me to say that, because school was a big part of my identity. As long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a therapist. I was only a year away from meeting that goal. At this point, I'm afraid of what will happen if I go back. My therapist has encouraged me to not think about it for now. I have a year to make the decision with no red tape or anything, so she encourages me to just focus on my self care for now and leave the decision for a time when I've had a chance to recover more fully. So, currently my goal is simply to focus on myself. I'm here on WDC to get back into writing, which is something I used to enjoy doing just for me. It also helps me feel connected to academics, which I value whether or not I complete my degree. I haven't actually written anything new yet. I posted a poem that I wrote a while back, and got some reviews on it. I am hoping that working on the challenges for this group will help inspire me next month.