%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  A support forum for writers dealing with mental illness |
I can honestly say that I more than likely would never have gotten involved with drugs. I grew up in a great family where nobody used or even drank. I really wasn't involved with a sketchy crowd. No environmental aspects would have brought me there is basically my point. I got into that lifestyle because of my mental state. My insecurities, depression, anxiety (GAD), impulsive nature from being Borderline, my self-destructive nature (Borderline), my need to "find myself" because I never know who the hell I am (BPD), and so much more. Another thing would be... I never would have dated the shitheads that I did. I got into a lot of mentally, emotionally abusive relationships because of my low self-esteem and co-dependency that Borderlines are known for. Rocky relationships are the epitome of BPD and that has been my entire life. Until my relationship now, (and even the beginning of this one wasn't healthy) all my relationships have been so unhealthy and toxic. School and career are a HUGEEEEEEE one for this because due to my mental health, I didn't complete school and had too much anxiety and fear to work. I mean, it's to the point, I'll be too afraid to even take the interview so I never end up working. I can't hold a job. Shit, I can't even get a job, forget holding one. I don't even have the education to get a career. I'll ALWAYS have a job and that messes me up even more knowing that. I beat myself up over the job situation on a daily basis. I know my family would look different because I wouldn't even know my fiance if I never got into the drug/bad scene. We're both clean and doing good. If I never had mental health issues, I would have lived a different life path though and would have never crossed his path to begin with. I would have completely different friends, I know that for sure. I don't have many close friends anymore but the ones I do, are recovering addicts because it's easier that way. I know they're not going to want to drink or do anything around me. I know they're actively working to change their lives for the better. I know they understand me and my struggles. If I never got involved in a shady lifestyle, I wouldn't understand them the way I do. I wouldn't understand someone who comes to me crying because they want to use... I'd more than likely be thinking "well just don't...." It's not that easy and I know that. My life would be better because I'd probably have a decent life. I'd more than likely still have my mother and grandmother's inheritance money saved on top of a career and I'd be set up for life. I wouldn't have the daily struggles that I do now just to get by and take care of myself and my family. I'd have peace of mind. I'd have a drivers license. I'd probably have my own home like my sister does instead of living with my dad at 28 and probably forever. I've accepted the fact that I'll never own a home. I'd more than likely not have a laundry list of criminal charges on my record that dictate my daily life and future. I'd have credit. I'd have a ton of friends that I didn't either push away or do something shitty to. I wouldn't be scarred from trauma's and past mistakes with men that I didn't even like yet dated or slept with. I mean the list could go on and on for a century. My life would be worse because I wouldn't have learned the lessons that I did. I wouldn't understand people the way I do. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
TotW: Without Mental Illness · 03-31-19 11:43pm
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
