Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

This is a deep question, which I had to really think about to answer. If I didn't have the emotional and psychological issues then I would have chosen differently in relationships, which in turn would have harmed my children less. My biggest mistake in raising my kids is in the quality of males I brought around them.

Because I survived trauma, I tended to be a magnet for those who also survived trauma. Even the man I am with now has survived abuse. Unfortunately, those in the past that I chose, had childhood issues that manifested differently in their adult life and they were abusive. I made excuses for their behaviors, blaming it on their psychological issues, and did not protect myself or my children enough.

That brings me to the relationship to my oldest daughter. She would be a lot different if I chose better people to be in her life and she didn't have the struggles she did growing up, hence she and I would have a better relationship. My relationship with my oldest daughter and her mental state is a consequence of my choices.

As far as friends, well, I tend to be closer to those who have had a lot of struggles to overcome. I just don't relate to people who have come from an easier way of life. I just don't find value in surface things like expensive shoes and purses. As a matter of fact, I'm horrible with surface talk altogether. If I didn't have the struggles I've had, I might have been more capable of identifying with things like that.

Then again, my mental and emotional struggles have made me more of a compassionate person. I believe it makes me better for the career path I am in now. Working there, I see two types of workers, those who are cold, approaching patients like it is just their job and those who approach patients with compassion and love. My experiences in life and the hardships I've had to overcome have made me more like the second group.

If I wouldn't have had the life I had, I don't think I'd be the type of person who was capable of working in a nursing home, changing patients briefs, bathing them, and feeding them. I'd probably be working at a desk somewhere. My kids probably would not be here either because I would have chosen different men.

I know I'm rambling. Of course there are some things I wish I could change, but in reality, right now I like me and it was the journey that helped me to grow into who I am today.


"Rebel Poetry Contest" 
"The Distorted Minds Contest" 

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