Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

How has the first half of your year been? What have you accomplished?
-It's been all right. Kind of all over the place. I...can't remember what I've accomplished. I finished the Hawaiian skill tree on Duolingo, I know I've done that. I did four rounds of the MHWA Challenge. That was fun. My girlfriend visited at the beginning of May. That was amazing. I applied for SSI again, so fingers crossed there.

How has your last week been? How are you doing today? What are you working on right now?
-Well, last week I had to go to court, thanks to a debt collector. I agreed I owed it, so it was whatever. However, I talked to the attorney afterwards and when he found out how much Rhay makes a month, he was like "wow, yeah, you can't afford to pay this off, just...do what you can, if you actually have it, and if not, don't worry about it." So that was a massive relief! Today, I'm all right, just kind of tired. I had a massive asthma attack in my nightmares and I'm kind of wondering if I had one in real life, too. I plan on painting my nails in a bit, and probably trying to write...but I don't know what. I wrote my 500 words for my June story, but I don't know if I want to write more.

Where is your year headed? What are you on track to achieve before 2020?
-I have no idea, as I doubt I'll obtain SSI before 2020. That would be cool, though. I plan on obtaining my legal name change, though! Hopefully, I won't have to go before a judge. Rhay didn't have to, but someone else I know did, so who knows. I also plan on doing Nano again this year, of course.

What has been occupying your headspace lately? What are you thinking about?
-Well, I was thinking about that court date, but not anymore. I've been thinking about trying to get SSI. How much I need dental care. How much I need a fucking therapist, but who knows when that will happen because my case manager apparently doesn't see that as a necessity, despite me asking for one since day 1 going there. Which is great because surprise, yet again, I get to go through summer with no support, when summer is horrifically triggering for me. It feels like June, July, and August are just one long traumaversary, but I just "shouldn't think about it" and I should "go do happy things." With what money and transportation, I'd like to know, because I'm broke af and have no ride. Also, if "don't think about it" worked, I would no longer have PTSD. ...So yeah, apparently I've been thinking ranty, whoops.

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."-Nietzsche