Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

*Bulletg* How powerful are words? Are people responsible if their words are used for insidious purposes?

While intent behind what a person says or thinks is the most powerful, words and thoughts are still powerful. I don't believe it is true that "Words will never hurt me" because they have hurt me. Because words are simply vessels for intent, they can be misconstrued and misinterpreted. Words can ruin or even end lives. I think that because of that, people should be held responsible for their words if they use them for insidious purposes themselves. How can a person be responsible for words they said or wrote which were misconstrued 50 years later? Social norms change over time so we cannot truly interpret the true meaning of someone's words from a past time without knowing exactly what life was like back then. Look at a single word and how it has changed in just the 40+ years I've been alive, "radical". When I was a teen, "radical" meant close to the same thing as awesome. Now days, "radical" means extreme or far-reaching. So, words need to be taken into context always.

*Bulletg* How would you define "good" communication? When people communicate with you, what communication style do you prefer?

I would define "good communication" as communication where all parties involved are open to listen to the others' side of things while they state their own side in a way that is neither degrading nor shady. By shady I mean when important information is withheld which should have been shared. Good communication uses body language and eye contact, as well as words in order to get the idea across. I do not mind emotionally charged communication, as long as those emotions do not cross over to anger. I think it is okay to be emotional in a conversation without it escalating into a yelling match or an all out brawl.

I personally prefer face-to-face communication, as I can more easily tell a person's intent and feelings in person. While I do not like people in general, face to face allows me to more easily spot that "snake in the grass" whose intentions are for more harm than good. Online and text-messaging can hide some of those people.

*Bulletg* Can you think of any specific situations where you used words to fix a problem? What about a situation where your words caused more harm than good?

Situation where words were used to fix a problem: As a teacher of teenaged kids, I get a lot of students who are just beginning to show social dysfunction or mental illness. One such student I had a few years ago was always quiet and stayed to herself all the time. Since I had her for two classes that year and I had taught her for the couple years leading to this year, I was able to tell when things took a downturn in her mind. She refused to talk to the counselor, so I told her she could talk to me if she needed. She confided in me that she felt no one liked her and she wasn't good at anything. I responded to her that she did indeed have friends, "What about that girl who always asks you to partner with her in class?" and went on to help her believe in herself by telling her how good her artwork is. I got a card from her the night of graduation. She told me, "Thank you. Before you took the time to talk to me, I had decided to kill myself." This young lady is still alive and is now in art school. Words can help.

On the opposite end of this spectrum, words causing more harm than good: There have been a lot of times when this has happened, but those times that I keep bringing up in my mind are those words I tend to say to myself, "You're crazy, you're worthless" "The doctor has already said you're going to die early, why don't you just give in and die right now?" All those negative words - and there have been many, many more - take their toll on me. My health did decline, to the point I was looking death in the face. And it took words from someone I love and words from many of my family members and friends to bring me back up and give me a reason to get help.

I still wonder though, is it in the words themselves or the intent behind those words? And I feel that the most pure, true forms of communication are those where we don't use words at all.