Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

I have to say that I don't really live by quotes. They're just words and most of the time are not inspiring to me. Sometimes they say something I'm feeling or thinking, but it's not like I post it anywhere. The only quote I've ever posted is a quote that said something to the effect of, "Discipline is the step by step process of teaching a child the way they should go," or something like that. I don't have it on my fridge anymore. I'm not sure where it went. Anyway, here is a quote that I don't find helpful. "Spend time with people who are good for your mental health." Unfortunately, I'm married to someone who isn't good for my mental health and I don't want to divorce right now. I'd like to wait until the kids are grown and gone. The bad part is that we all suffer from the mental abuse, whether it's intentional or not.

One that I like is, "Those who suffer from mental illness are stronger than you think. We must fight to go to work, care for our families, be there for our friends, and act 'normal' while battling unimaginable pain." I like it because that's totally how I feel. It feels good to know that someone out there understands where I am emotionally. Here's another one I can't stand, "Mental Health begins with me." What the fuck does that mean? I don't take that statement positively.

"I am exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel." Again, this is coming from someone who understands. "Stress, anxiety, and depression are caused when we are living to please others." Seriously? Because if I stop trying to please others, not that I try to, but if I did my depression would be gone? Gee, I didn't realize it was so damn easy. "Your now is not your forever." I like this quote because it gives me hope. "Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on." I just say, "Yeah" to that one.

"It's a disorder, not a decision." I mean, right? If only I could decide not to have depression because I just enjoy living this way. "Yes, I have a mental health disorder. No, that doesn't mean I'm crazy." Even though I sometimes say that I'm crazy, I know it's not true. But then again, I'm not so sure.

"You'd never say, "It's just cancer, get over it." So why do some say that about depression?" I have an aunt to believes that depression is from satan and I'm just not being strong enough to fight it. We don't talk much, my aunt and I.
"Always take care of yourself first." I'd never be able to take care of my family at all if I did this. I need a lot of time to take care of myself. Maybe like a month or even more.

There are so many quotes out there but few inspire me. It really bothers makes me angry when people think, and state, that mental illness is a choice. Clearly, they have no clue about the strength it takes to suffer with a mental health disorder. I try to walk away before I say something I might regret. I hate how I feel when I have to fight with myself to do things, like get up in the morning, get myself ready for work, get breakfast for my daughter, pack a lunch, get in my car and go to work. Once I get to my desk, I don't want to leave it, but I have to, to get my work done.

Here's a quote I'll end with. "Be gentle with yourself. You're doing the best you can."