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She was able to keep her job for a lot of reasons. 1. I didn't even realize anything was wrong with my medical records until a doctor told me I "couldn't" have a TBI about 5 years after the incident. He's the only one who told me my records didn't support my story. 2. It was another 2-3 years before I pieced together that this had to have been done on purpose. A super annoying thing about brain injuries is that you can't figure things out and process well, so it can take forever to piece bits of info together. 3. Even if I could prove she did it on purpose, I have no idea where she is now. 4. She's a reservist, so even if I did know where she was, HER commander would have to care enough to punish her and that's not likely. Not to mention, she might not even be in anymore. 5. She's a specialist and they Army not only protects their officers and protects their doctors and lawyers and such even more, they REALLY protect their medical specialists. At most, if I could have figured this out sooner and anyone had cared enough to do anything about it, she would have gotten a talking to.

The Army has to report certain things, including brain injuries. The don't want high numbers because that gets the attention of the news which brings public outcry. So, rather than focusing on doing everything they can on preventing them and treating them when they DO happen (not saying they don't do anything to prevent them or that they don't do anything to treat them, just saying that's not necessarily they only thing they are focused on), they try to not have them diagnosed unless there is no other way out of it. The Army is really a "suck it up and drive on" atmosphere. They don't want you going to sick call. They don't want you taking meds or getting treatments. Legally, they can't prevent you from doing what you need to do, but there is a fair amount of pressure against it. Now, part of this is to prevent people from just using sick call to get out of things they don't want to do. This does happen, for sure. And if there wasn't pressure, no doubt, it would happen WAY more. But it also pressures people to not get help when they need it. I spent a lot of my career working on psych wards. In the hospital, there is a lot less pressure not to take care of yourself than there is in "line units," but it's still there. One day I was really sick and told them I needed to go to sick call. I was told I could only go to sick call if I declined quarters (a doctor's order to stay home for the day). Soooo...You KNOW I'm too sick to be at work, but want me here IN A HOSPITAL, SPREADING MY GERMS, anyway. Got it! I went to sick call. She tried to give me quarters. I declined them and told her I was only allowed to get medication to help me feel better while I worked. Then I went back to work. Yep. That's the Army. Mission first!

Another part about not having my back is that if I was diagnosed with a TBI, not only would it be reported, but it could get me benefits. I could qualify for a Purple Heart. I could have it included on my list of disabilities when I got out and get compensated for it. Now, consider who is more likely to have lied. The Soldier who has actual things to gain? Or the doctor who doesn't? (If you don't consider a personal vendetta.) Why would SHE lie? I have a lot of reasons to lie. She doesn't. So, who are you going to believe?

As for the Purple Heart thing, I asked my commander to put me in for one while in Iraq. If he'd agreed to, we would have known about the medical record situation while we could still possible do something about it. But the unit I deployed with was also a bunch of reservists. I don't want to sound like the Reserves is nothing. We couldn't defend America without them...unless we maybe went to a draft a lot more often. But, this is their part time job and many treat it as such. Plus, even those who don't, if they don't have the experience of being in active duty, they don't know any better. They learn from their unit...which is almost 100% of the time not a good thing when it comes to hard core military stuff. My unit didn't know how to grade my PT test because I had 2 permanent profiles (letters from the doctor saying I couldn't do certain activities for the rest of the time I was in the military). Fine, but I sent you a copy of the regulation. Maybe read that before calling and yelling at me that I don't know what I'm doing. They didn't know how to stand at parade rest with a weapon. Well, I mean, they knew you could sling it over your back, but there was another option where it was more readily available. I got yelled at for that as well. Ummm...I've never actually even been allowed to sling it over my back until I deployed, so I know 100% that the way I was doing it was also correct. I got yelled at for not knowing the 4th paragraph of the NCO Creed. Well, yeah...It only has 3 paragraphs. I later realized the reason he didn't know that was that in the headquarters area there was a poster with 4 paragraphs. The 1st 3 were in a row on the left side. The 4th one was near the bottom on the right. It talked about how the NCO Creed came about and who wrote it. Turns out apparently he had never read his own poster. So, yeah, the reserves, though we need them, are NOT all that people (including them) might think.

Anyway, my commander refused to submit me for a Purple Heart. He said my home unit (I wasn't officially a member of the unit--only "attached") had to do that for me. Likely, he just didn't know how to do one. I went home and my home unit refused, saying they don't know what happened and that my deployed unit had to. I contacted them again and they again pointed back to my home unit. Basically, no one would do anything. Thus, not only did I not get one, but I didn't even know there was a problem with my medical records.

It took me several years after learning my records were wrong to realize that it must be recorded correctly in the other 2 people's records. I asked MAJ Lee, my officer, for a copy of hers. I told her to just black out anything important like her social, other issues listed (each record lists a problem list from previous visits so there could be personal things she doesn't want me to see), etc. She declined. She said I shouldn't need that. She's technically right, but I think I do. I don't know if she doesn't want me seeing her records or if it's just way too much trouble to get them or she doesn't want to help (we had a bit of a falling out a little over a year ago) or what.

I asked SGT Burns, who I'm still very close with. He said he has tried to get a copy of his records for his own purposes and the Army says there is no record of him even having gotten treatment in Iraq. Huh? We were seen by the same doctor using the same medical computer, so if there is a record of mine, there HAS to be a record of his. I don't think he's lying. But he is really messed up. He was driving into the blast as I was driving out of it, so he was hit worse. Plus, he has ended up at some pretty crappy VAs and has gotten no treatment for it or much of any treatment for his PTSD and other issues. Some days he can barely function. He's really thin because he won't even eat regularly because life is just too hard, too complicated, too overwhelming...including getting food. So, when it's any effort to get your medical records, I understand why he can't. I have encouraged him to try again, but he's just not up to it yet.

I even tried to get another copy of my stuff from Iraq. I was told it would be 2-3 months. About 7 months later, instead of getting my medical records from 2010-2011, I got SOME (not even all) of my medical records from 2004-2010. Huh? That is not at ALL what I asked for! And even when I was getting out, I tried over and over to get "all" of my medical records and never did. I went and asked for a copy of "all" my records and when I got them, it didn't include ANY behavioral health stuff. I went back and complained and they said that BH has to be asked for specifically. I told them that when I asked for "all," they should have told me that because they must understand what that word means and naturally, since I don't work in medical records, I don't know it has to be asked for separately. So, I resubmitted a request asking for "all" my medical records, including BH. I got more...but not the BH records from Scofield Barracks, where I was currently assigned, but I was requesting the records at the office in the hospital. "Oh, yeah, you have to ask for those separately." GRRRR!!! "OKAY! I want ALL of my medical records, INCLUDING BH and INCLUDING the BH records at Scofield Barracks!" Not surprisingly, they didn't include my records from Alaska, because apparently, when they said I had to ask for Scofield's records separately, they meant I had to ask for ALL my BH records separately. GOOD GRIEF!!! So, I then submitted ANOTHER request asking for all of those. I got mostly everything...except all those surveys I took at the beginning of each appointment, yeah, none of those tracking whether I was getting better or worse had been included. You guessed it. I had to ask for those separately. I just quit.

So, I'm not at all surprised SGT Burns can't get his records. Not saying this is why it's so hard to get your medical records, but if you have them, you can better submit information for disability claims, which cost money. This might be why or it might just be a convenient by-product of a really ridiculous system. I have no idea. But I won't pressure SGT Burns into getting his medical records until I'm close enough to him to physically help him get them.

At this point, I don't care about the compensation because I was so jacked up by the time I got out that I got the most money I could. And now the VA agrees I have a TBI, so I'm also getting treatment...sort of. (Different issue--not because they don't believe me, but there's only so much they can do at a reasonable cost and doing the most costs a lot more.) The Purple Heart is just something to make up for everything I went through. It will make me feel...uh, what's that word? Like "seen," but you know, like they now agree that I was right and I did have a bunch of issues from the explosion. Like vindicated...VALIDATED! Yes! It will make me feel validated!

The last 5 yrs of my military career were spent with virtually no one believing me. I couldn't even get a PTSD diagnosis in Alaska because they were sure I hadn't experienced the things I claimed to have experienced. Thankfully, in Hawaii, the doctor I ended up with was not only awesome, but his location had used my location for punishment, so he knew my stories were quite likely and he didn't think I was lying. HE diagnosed me with PTSD. AK, at best, gave me anxiety and depression NOS (not otherwise specified), but mostly thought I had a personality disorder and threatened to kick me out because of that diagnosis. I hadn't gotten into any trouble, but a PD diagnosis is an actual chapter in the regulations for getting out of the Army. And you get basically no benefits because it was pre-existing and you should have never been in the Army.

Army-wide, they got into trouble for diagnosing Soldiers with a PD instead of PTSD and in 2009 it was determined that EVERY Soldier who had been given that diagnosis since 9/11 was to have their records reviewed and they were to be personally evaluated to see if it was really PTSD. That's how rampant the problem was throughout the Army.
Then in 2014, I think it was, Joint Base Lewis-McCord got into trouble for doing it again (still?). Some idiot actually put out a MEMO TELLING PEOPLE TO DO IT TO SAVE THE ARMY MONEY!!! I know in AK it was happening, consciously or not. We had a patient with 2 deployments who came to the clinic and shot himself on the weekend, right in front of the clinic. The clinic response, "Well, you know, he had a personality disorder..." OR, MAYBE, he had a raging case of PTSD and it was the only way he could think of to make you pay attention! And sadly, I didn't work.

A personality disorder is pervasive throughout everything--work, family, social, school, etc. Plus, it develops in childhood, so since I was in my 30's I would have had a long history of evidence. But no one checked. Only my doctor in HI did the background investigation to see if I really had a PD. Everyone else either assumed based on the fact that I was acting crazy or they assumed based on the fact that another person had diagnosed me with that. And the very 1st person to diagnose me with that wasn't even using a current manual. The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) is the book used to diagnose people with BH disorders. At that time, we were on the DSM IV-TR (Text Revised, so it wasn't even the original DSM IV). My diagnosis didn't even exist anymore and hadn't in over 2 decades, but the provider wasn't keeping up with current diagnoses. The whole thing was a NIGHTMARE!!! And on top of that, most folks don't tell you your diagnosis, ESPECIALLY if it's a PD diagnosis, so I didn't even know what was going on for a good part of the time in AK. It was absolutely INSANE!!!

SO SORRY!!! I still have a LOT of pent up stuff from all this that I haven't gotten over, as you can see. I still blame AK for me losing my career. I feel like if I had gotten the help I needed and asked for when I first got back to Alaska, I probably could have saved my career. Oh well. At least I got a good doctor in HI and got a legitimate diagnosis. And because I'd gone basically untreated so long, things got really horrible towards the end, so I ended up with with good compensation and they made it permanent within like a year and a half.

SGT Burns' compensation hasn't been made permanent and it's been over 5 years for him. He has the constant threat that they will reduce his disability rating (and thus, compensation) for not going to appointments often enough. But he is in too much pain physically to drive and is so jacked up mentally he can't hold down a job, so he can't afford the Uber rides to the VA all the time. Plus, his last VA was always sending him out to another VA that was like 90 minutes away. He went maybe twice, but that was it. For VA compensation, that means you obviously aren't so messed up that you need the appointments, so you don't need the compensation. Thankfully, he's moved to an area with a VA that has more services and is hoping to go to lots of appointments and then request they check him to see if he can be made permanent. Most of his stuff will never get better. He's already had 2 surgeries and is waiting on a 3rd (not related to the explosions). He's also hoping to get more regular BH care, but good luck!

It's really hard to get regular appointments in the VA system because there are so many patients and not enough providers. Last time I looked, they were advertising 15 PAGES of jobs just for social workers in the VA nationwide. It's not a good situation. We both often have to wait 6 weeks between appointments with our social worker. Thankfully, mine with schedule 3-4 at a time, so sometimes I can get them just a couple of weeks apart. But I can't schedule the next block until the last one, then I have to wait 6 or more weeks for the next group. You can't get better that way. His only scheduled 1 at a time. I really hope he can get better BH help at this new VA! He REALLY needs it!!! When we first got out, I was worse off, but I ended up at a good VA and got a lot of help and am now way better. He has been to so-so VAs at the best and at some really terrible ones at the worst. He's only gone down hill since he got out.

SORRY! I will end now!

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