Godly Words of Encouragement

 (This message was edited by pinoy_celt on 11-11-03 @ 4:50 am EST)

What you, as a dear believer in the LORD, must realize is that having premarital sex is not just an action (i.e. Have you “done it” or not?). It’s a direction you take in your heart. It’s a conscious decision made in your heart that you will commit yourself and your body to God reserved for the day that you marry the man or woman whom God has intended for you to marry.

Premarital sex is a part of a broader category of sex outside of marriage. The Bible covers in MUCH detail sex outside of a God-filled marriage between husband and wife and the consequences thereof.

To start off with, I will refer you once again to NIV 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” Again, the word for sexual immorality (KJV-fornication) in Greek, porneuo, means “to prostitute one’s body to the lust of another” (Strong 1997). I refer you to my post "What’s Wrong with Masturbation?"   for more on this and as to whom you sin against when you have premarital sex or commit any other sexual sin as well as general biblical consequences. Also, check out NIV 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, which says, “It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God.”

First of all, it is God’s will and best plan for you to remain sexually pure until your wedding day to the one He’s set aside just for you. NIV Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.” However, remember I said earlier that sexual purity is a direction you take in the heart. NIV Matthew 5:27,28 states, "You have heard that it was said, `Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Now if you’re not careful and let your eyes wander around in lust for someone, this is what the Word says will happen in time: NIV James 1:14-16 “but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don't be deceived, my dear brothers.” This is the Bible’s summary of a process of events, if left uncorrected, that will lead you to have sex outside of marriage. If you let your fleshly lust for anyone control you, then you will eventually act it out in some way, whether it’s being a porn addict, sex-related jokes, foreplay, etc. These are simply examples of how one can let desire (KJV-lust) conceive. And then, after all this “fooling around,” then one may commit the act whether it’s oral, anal, hand job, straight sex, etc. Even though the word “sin” in the above verse is only focusing on the act itself, keep in mind that ALL of this is sin because you’re moving away from God and toward the object and/or person of your lust. Finally, “death” refers to the natural and spiritual consequences of premarital and/or extramarital sex. We all know about the natural consequences---AIDS, herpes, gonorrhea, and other nasty STDs (by the way, you CAN get herpes in the mouth from oral sex, contrary to popular belief); pregnancy, the money spent on dealing with this stuff, and so on. But not many of us truly understand the spiritual consequences other than feeling extreme shame and guilt for a long time, usually. It’s important to really get these things in your heart because it will definitely make you a lot stronger to resist sexual temptation. First, having premarital sex hinders the other person either from receiving the Gospel (if he/she isn’t Christian) or from growing in Christ, and the obvious backsliding occurs in the latter situation. Second, having premarital sex can possibly keep you from experiencing God’s best plan for your life. I’m not saying that it’s impossible for you to still have God’s best happen for you but premarital sex makes it EXTREMELY difficult for you to fully enjoy God’s blessing for you and your future husband or wife. Third, if you’ve had sex before marriage in the past and don’t tell your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé/fiancee about it, then you’re simply being dishonest and it will eventually be exposed at some point in your relationship, or worse, in your marriage.

Despite all this, and I know this is A LOT to swallow, let’s not underestimate the power of God’s forgiveness, healing, restoration, and redemption for ANYONE who’s had sex before entering a Christ-centered marriage. All we have to do is look at NIV John 8:3-11 which says:

“The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, ‘Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?’ They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.’ Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, ‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’ ‘No one, sir,’ she said. ‘Then neither do I condemn you,’ Jesus declared. ‘Go now and leave your life of sin.’"

Now that woman, as you probably know, is Mary Magdalene, who later became one of, if not the most dedicated follower of Jesus since it caused Him to say in NIV Matthew 26:13, “I tell you the truth, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her." If you back up a few verses in that chapter, you’ll see that she was so blown away and humbled by how God had forgiven her of committing adultery that she decided to spend the rest of her life serving and spending time with the LORD by anointing him with perfume, and probably also washing His feet with her tears and wiping them with her hair. Mary had a deep love for Christ since “one who has been forgiven of much loves much.” If you’ve had premarital sex, just know that YOU are Mary Magdalene and that YOU can just as easily be forgiven if you ask and believe. I encourage all of you to take to heart all these things and pray about it. Pray for a big heart for God, for wisdom and understanding, and for more and more of His love and grace in your life. Because it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

God bless

Works Cited




The Holy Bible: King James Version Bible. (Holman Bible Publishers, 2000).

The Holy Bible: New International Version. (The International Bible Society, 1984).

The New Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible by James Strong, LL.D., S.T.D. (Nelson Reference, 1997).




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