Sunni's Review &Edit - closed

 (This message was edited by sunnygal136 on 05-05-03 @ 3:52 pm EDT)

I loved this - probably because I can relate! The quote was a great way to start. You talk about being torn between acting or being a passive participant in life and then you take us through the process that leads to the positive decision in the end. I had to shout "amen!" at a few points you made!

Now for the suggestions:
1) You write: Youth provides the distinct advantage of that restless energy, affording us the ability to... I would add "having" :Youth provides the distinct advantage of having that restless energy, affording us the ability to...

2) You write: Still, experience and the wisdom that comes with a few years under our belt can often prevent those situations from occurring in the first place. Something about the "under our belts" part of this sentence doesn't sound right to me, but I'm not sure what to do with it. Maybe: Still,the experience and the wisdom that comes with agecan often prevent those situations from occurring in the first place. Though, that may simplify it too much. The more I read the original sentence, the more I think it is fine the way it is...

3) You write: I find myself so afraid of taking a wrong turn and even more fearful of never getting out on the road to begin with. With the word "so" in there, I expect you to say so afraid of... that ...something. It would be better to write: I find myself afraid of taking a wrong turn , yet even more fearful of never getting out on the road to begin with.

4) You write: It is at those times where obstacles litter every path I attempt to embark on. Since this sentence begins a new paragraph, I was asking myself "what times?" Try this instead: t is at times like this when obstacles litter every path I attempt to embark on.

5) You write: Feeling overwhelmed instills fear. Fear causes idleness. I say "Amen!".

6) You write: Chances must be taken for lessons to be learned. Again I say "Amen!"

Mid life crisis is a great spring board for writing! When life is dull, what is there to write about?

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Hope this was of some help to you.
Sunni

Writing is an Expression of the Mind and Soul---Sunni17