Anything Goes!

Eulogy for a Friend

“Mysterious” Mike was a very strange old man. You only needed one bit of evidence to know that for sure: when he died on his 92nd birthday, he was scuba diving.
         He always did strange things like that. Things a person his age and level of superiority would never do.
         His first job was sweeping up hair with a broomstick at a barbershop. He always saved the hair so he would have a little piece of everyone he met. When he filled out one of his first job applications, he used his lucky green crayon (at the time). He believed he could get any job he wanted if he wrote with it. He did get the job he wanted too. It was at the museum teaching people about the pirate artifacts.
         He always got bored very easily though. He never kept the same job for more than 10 months.
         It was always very obvious which job he loved the most. It was his job at the Sapphire Crocodile Restaurant playing the violin. But soon, even that job made him snore, so it was time to move on. Next he tried his hand at architecture. Unfortunately though, the only project he ever finished was a beautiful gazebo for his sister’s yard. The most recent career he worked at was scuba diving.
         Mike was an avid collector. He just loved to find odd things to collect. Since he was rich, he could collect anything he fancied. He did too. His most expensive collection was his diamond engagement rings. Their value altogether was about 80 million dollars.
         He usually only collected strange and uncommon things, like toenails, false eyelashes, and pictures of scabs (eww), but he did make one exception. This one was his favorite. They were the vivid fluorescent lava lamps, which decorated the huge Great Hall that lead to the Master Bedroom in his mansion. Just the sight of those things left his whole body numb with amazement.
         Collecting was his true passion.
         He was loved by many, even the man he played checkers with every Thursday at the park, and the stray cat he left a saucer of milk out for every day.
He was kind to every person he met, even the rudest stranger. He always made a new friend, always. I was a perfect stranger giving him the weekly bingo jackpot when we met, and we have been best friends for 50 years. He could talk someone out of putting a noose around their neck with just two words. Whenever you were in a pickle, he was there to bail you out.
I am grieving deeply for the loss of such a great man and wonderful friend. I will never forget him. I am sure all that had the pleasure of meeting him will miss him.
         I know this is not the best eulogy, but I think it is exactly what Mike would have wanted.