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I was planning to get a lot of school stuff done this weekend, since I had the whole weekend off and no plans whatsoever.
I had the same plans last weekend..
I didn't touch a book both weekends..

I was really planning to get a lot of work done these todays, but I've just been feeling too weird. I can't concentrate on anything, I can’t think straight, I keep walking around, starting things without finishing them, etc.
My head is so full with all kinds of things, I feel excited, stressed, exhausted, I feel like I have to do something but I don’t know what..

This weekend I’ve been thinking about traveling a lot. I’ve always loved it and I’ve always dreamed of traveling the world, freedom is the key-word to my existence.
Last week my aunt sent me an email asking me if I would still be interested in going to Indonesia.. About 2 years ago we talked about it, my aunt, cousin and me, and we thought it would be cool to go together, but then we never talked about it again. Anyway, I mailed her back that I would love to go, and my cousin still wants to go too, and to make a long story a bit shorter, they’re coming here next weekend, and we’ll try to plan a bit of the trip then. Make plans when we want to go, where we want to go, get an idea what the expenses will be. If we’ll go it won’t be until 2005, probably even 2006.

I guess that all the talking about Indonesia got me in this mood. I spent almost all night last night (until 5:30 am) looking up things on the computer about Indonesia, but also about exchange programs to Nepal etc. I would love to go to Nepal!! They have this program where you teach English to kids in Nepal for 8 weeks, and then you get to do some traveling for 2 weeks. I also saw this great program in South Africa where you work for 10 weeks aswel, and you get to work with all kinds of animals there, in wild parks etc. It just all sounds so cool but it’s all so expensive!! I don’t have that kind of money (yet)
I ordered some brochures anyway, it won’t hurt to get some extra information.

When I was reading all the stories of people’s experiences etc I nearly cried. I don’t know why, but I always have that, and I’m not at all the type of gal that cries a lot. I can’t even watch documentaries about traveling on tv without crying.. I just have such a strong feeling that that is the life that is meant for me. That’s I’m living the wrong life now. This is not me, I can’t be me in the life that I’m living now.
But then I’m also afraid that I’m looking for something that I’ll never find, that even if I walk through the Himalaya with a backpack on my bag I won’t be happy. That I’ll always be restless and looking for something of which I don’t know what it is, and what might not even exist..

I’m rambling.. I don’t even know why I’m telling you all this.. Guess I just wanted to share..


Only dead fish follow the stream